I have talked to many mom's in my lifetime. One thing I've learned since I have become a mom to 3 beautiful, rowdy, crazy kids is that most mom's feel inadequate and that they could do more.
Almost always I hear, "You are so amazing to fill that role for them. You are making a difference in their lives." Or something along those lines. When I hear that I am thinking, "You didn't hear me this morning when I was frustrated because they weren't eating fast enough." or "When I yelled at Eva because she was crying while I did her hair." or possibly "I just hope I'm not causing more damage." I don't feel amazing...and I think that's okay. Yes I know that I did something that doesn't happen very often. I married a single dad of 3 kids, and guess what, we have them full time. I went from being single and having all the time in the world to waking up to get Jack to school, to spending a day doing laundry and cleaning house, to grocery shopping for 5 people instead of 1. I didn't do it to be amazing. I did it because I love their father, and then I grew to love them.
My point is that we all feel inadequate or lacking at some point. Instead of focusing on the negative, let us take a moment and remember the good we do.
1. I read the kids a bed time story...without losing my temper.
2. I tucked the girls into bed when I got home from work late.
3. We watched a movie together.
4. I apologized when I got upset, teaching them that everyone is wrong at some point.
5. We made cookies today.
6. I let Eva help me clean the house.
See what I mean? We spend so much time focusing on what we're not doing (this could be related to parenting, work, social, service...whatever) that we forget the good that we do. Lighten up! The world is not going to end because the laundry didn't get folded and put away the same day it was washed. (Which is good because I have had two loads of laundry sitting on my couch for a week.) It is okay for the floors to be dirty. And yes, it's okay for the kids to play in the dirt.
Since getting married earlier this year and filling the role of mom for Jack, Emma and Eva I have talked to my mom many times. She has shared with me that she felt inadequate all the time and wondered if she was doing okay as a mom. When she told me this I couldn't help but think, "My mom is amazing. How could she possibly have felt inadequate. She raised 7 kids almost single-handedly so my dad could work full time to support all of us. She made sure we got to school and had clean clothes and that we had food to eat. She used to judge mud pies that my younger brother and I would make." My point is that your kids won't remember the things you don't do. But they will remember when you stopped doing the dishes to give them a hug when they fell. They will remember when you let them make cookies with you, even though it took twice as long.
On that note...I'm going to make brownies. :)
