apples and oranges

I've mentioned a blog that I follow a few times, the author is Matt Walsh. He does not shy away from difficult subjects, but chooses to face them head on. He has put his name out there and attracted millions of readers. Many of his posts cause people to think and respond, to analyze, and occasionally to debate. The following is one of them. Motherhood isn’t tougher than fatherhood, but maybe we should all stop competing
He wrote that post on April 15th, after viewing a commercial for a greeting card company. I read the post and then watched the commercial. The commercial is a mock job interview for an impossibly difficult position. The interviewee's then learn that there are millions of people who perform this job on a daily basis. They are mother's. The commercial then ends with the reminder that Mother's Day is coming up.
The commercial did a decent job of describing what a mom does, but unfortunately, there is no way that you can possibly summarize the role of a mother in 5 minutes.
Matt Walsh posted on motherhood and fatherhood, and the fact that one isn't more difficult than the other. I agree with him. Motherhood and fatherhood are different, it's like comparing apples and oranges. One isn't "better" than the other, one isn't "sweeter" than the other. They're different, they're unique, and they're each wonderful and special in their own way,
When I read the blog post, and watched the commercial, I decided that I don't like to describe motherhood as a job. For me, being a mom is something I choose to do. When I married my husband, I knew that I would be filling the role of mom for his 3 kids. It has been one of the most difficult decisions to follow-up with, but the feeling I get when I hear them call me "Mommy" because they WANT to is priceless.
When I found out I was pregnant last summer, I knew that my life was going to drastically change again. I knew that my focus, my motivation, and my center would shift. Let me be clear, I love Jack, Emma, and Eva with all my heart. I would do anything for them, but I didn't understand the depth of love I was capable of as a mother because I hadn't given birth. Some people may dispute that, but for me it is the truth.
I choose to wake up in the middle of the night with Matthew, I choose to cook dinner, I choose to sit down and read books with Emma and Eva. No one forces me to do it. Society has convinced us that kids need to have extracurricular activities, the younger they start, the better. This can be beneficial for the child, but it also adds stress to the family. That's something that needs to be considered. None of our kids are currently enrolled in any extra activity. This is for multiple reasons, but I can tell you, I don't feel stressed about spending the whole day in the car shuttling kids to where ever they need to be. I love that I get to spend time with the kids when they get home from school. I can take time with Jack when he does his homework and make sure that he understands it. I can color with Emma, which she absolutely loves to do. I can put on music and watch Eva dance while I get dinner ready.
I'm not trying to say I don't have bad days, because I do. I guess what I'm trying to say is that parents should know their limitations. There is no "right" way to parent. Kids will be fine if they don't have a tablet when they're 8 years old, they will be fine if they aren't enrolled in sports year round, and they will be fine if they aren't wearing name brand clothes. On the other hand, they will NOT be fine if they don't feel they can talk to their parents, they will not be fine if mom and dad don't express love and affection, and they will not be fine if parents work more than they are at home. Children don't understand our motivations as adults. They see and understand things in very simplistic terms. "Mom yelled at me" could mean either that 1. Mom doesn't love me, or 2. Mom is unhappy with something I did. In my experience they don't go to, "Mom is having a bad day and it has nothing to do with me."
My advice to parents (and myself) would be, take a step back. Spend quality time with your kids, even if it is just 10 minutes a day. Start small, and be okay with the little things. Talk to your kids, find out what they enjoy, and do it with them. Our children will be tomorrow's leaders, they will be our legacy. What type of leader's will they be? Are we being the type of parents that our kids can be proud of?

being a mom

Matthew is 7 weeks old today. I have been at home (or in the hospital) for 7 weeks. I have worked full time for the last 9 years, at least 40 hours every week, usually more. I have been able to clock in and out and leave work at work, except of course when I'm a manager and occasionally need to bring work home. I am unable to do that now.

I have a new respect for stay-at-home parents, single parents, and every other type of parent. Being a stay-at-home-mom is not easy. Many times it is thankless work, it is exhausting 24 hours a day-7 days a week type of work. It is humbling to realize that your boss is someone who can't sleep through the night, or someone who has to use a stool to wash her hands. Many times I wake up tired, (right now that's because of the infant who doesn't sleep through the night) some days I don't take a shower until 9pm, and my shirt ends up being the tissue for noses as well as eyes.

On the days when I don't want to speak to another child, or pick up a crying infant, or answer another question...I hear my girls laugh while they're playing, I get to help Jack with his homework and hear about his day, I get to cuddle with Matthew, I play a game with them and see how happy they are with something so simple, I make cookies with them and get to teach them as well as enjoy chocolate...those are the things that make it worth it.

Being a parent is hard, I've never heard anyone say otherwise. Over the past 7 weeks I have determined that I would rather have the stay-at-home-mom kind of hard over working full-time hard. Being a mom is fulfilling and gratifying and so very worth all the frustrations and tears that I shed over my own inadequacies.