they never said, "i told you so."

When I was 19 I got married. I had known the guy for 3 months. My parents warned me and advised me not to marry him, but I thought I knew everything. Almost immediately after we got married, I realized he was not the person I thought he was.
To start off with; we were married by a justice of the peace...on my LUNCH BREAK! Ridiculous right? Almost every girl dreams of her wedding day and makes plans for how they want it to look and be. I let that be pushed aside because my future-husband couldn't hold down a job and needed somewhere to live. Looking back this is quite a large warning sign, and I ignored it.
Once we were married I came to understand that he had no interest in holding a legitimate job. He was more motivated too attempt to deal drugs and sleep all day. This was on the other end of the spectrum from how I was raised, yet I looked the other way.
Things slowly got worse. We racked up close to $30,000 in debt; we were only together for 9 months. We fought constantly; he started becoming violent and emotionally and verbally abusive. He would get very jealous if I talked to any of my male coworkers, but didn't want to put effort into our relationship. I put so much of myself into our relationship, 110% as often as I could. I was not perfect, there were times when I would instigate arguments to get a reaction from him.
When I finally realized that this was not a healthy relationship, I got out. When I made it clear to him that I was ending it he threatened to drive our car into a river with both of us in it. I got away from him safely and made it home and called the police. He ended up going to jail for 1-3 months, at this point I can't remember how long it was. He never said he was sorry, and he didn't help me pay for any of the bills we had accumulated.
My point in writing this is to share what my parents did. They supported ME through everything. That doesn't mean they supported the choices I was making. They never said, "I told you so." They loved me through it all. They let me move back in with them, rent-free. My mom would sit with me and call bill collectors for me when I couldn't handle it anymore. My dad drove across the state with me to return the car that I couldn't afford to keep anymore. (Only to find out when we got there that we could have done it at home.)
Never once did they belittle me for my decision to go against their advice. I came to better understand how much they loved me. I hope to someday be that kind of parent. I have a long ways to go from where I am right now.
I shared this story with one of my coworkers a while back. Just this week she told me how my parents reaction has stuck with her and helped her to take a step back with her own child. Sometimes our gut reaction won't be the best option. I'm grateful to my parents for taking a step back and not focusing on the choices, but on me as their daughter.
I would not be the person I am today if all of this hadn't happened. So...thank you, mom and dad.

invest in yourself

Getting back into blogging has been on my mind a lot lately.
My brother surprised me for my birthday and we started talking about our dreams. I told him that my dream had always been to be a mom, and now that I am one, I don't really know what to look forward too. As I got to thinking about it, I realized that I really want to help people. I want to help others see the good they can do. I want to help others see how strong they are. I want to help others realize that they are not alone in their trials.
I don't have anything unique or extraordinary to share. I just want to share my experiences, and hopefully someone will be able to find strength or comfort through them.
I am also getting back into this for me. I feel like I have kind of lost myself amidst all the demands on me and my time. This will allow me to discover my interests and abilities again. It is hard being a mom, wife, employee and everything else that is going on. Many times the only thing I do for myself during the day is read. (Which I do far too much of. 😊) This will be my time for ME. I need to invest in myself to be a better wife and mom, so I'm going to start making deposits in myself starting now.