On March 19th my little man was one month old. It's amazing how much can happen in such a short amount of time.
Baby Matthew spent 20 days in the NICU at Doernbecher's Children's Hospital in Portland. I am grateful for the nurses and doctors who took such good care of him, for the volunteers that go in and hold the babies when the nurses can't. I'm thankful for family who came to help me by watching Jack, Emma, and Eva so that I could go to the hospital.
On March 10th Matthew came home. We had a follow up appointment for him on the 13th, he was up to 5lbs 7.5oz and 18.75 inches long. That weekend I noticed that his skin was slightly yellow, but only in certain light. Then on Monday the 17th he was really sleepy, and not eating well. I took him to the chiropractor for an adjustment, (It's amazing what our bodies can go through. His little body was in need of an adjustment.) then when I got home and had to wake him up to feed him, I started to worry. I called our clinic and described what I was seeing and told them I was worried it was jaundice. They recommended that I take him to the Emergency Room. Well, as a mother that's not really what you want to hear.
I took him into the Emergency Room, and within 15 minutes of checking in they had us back and were checking Matthew out. His temperature was 96, instead of 98.6, he still wasn't eating well and when they weighed him he hadn't gained any weight since the previous Thursday. They started drawing blood, and putting an IV in. I sat with him, trying to keep my emotions in check, but of course thinking that I'm a bad mom and that's why he's in the hospital after being home for only a week.
We were in the hospital from Monday night to Friday morning. He had a cold, which honestly is unavoidable, and turns out he had a UTI. They had him on an IV for the majority of the time for the UTI, and sent him home with an oral antibiotic.
Looking back on the last month I'm amazed at how quickly priorities can change. In a split second my life changed, all because of the miracle of birth. A 4lb 6oz little boy, became one of the 5 most important people in my life. For a short while I was resentful of Jack, Emma, and Eva, because they were taking my away from Matthew. I'm slowly learning how to handle everything. How to make time for the things that matter and how to let the things that don't matter slide.
I was worried that Jack, Emma, and Eva wouldn't like having a little brother. They absolutely love him. Emma would sit and stare at him all day if I would let her. He is a joy to have, and has helped me understand the love of a mother, and see what really matters in life.
I love all my kids. Jack, Emma, and Eva are so special, and have been through so much. They are resilient and so loving. They are forgiving and understanding. They want to be loved, and I'm lucky enough that they have chosen me to love them, and that they choose to call me mom. Matthew was sent to me. He is my gift from God, I have a responsibility to all 4 of my kids to teach them, love them, play with them, and to let them be kids, to allow them to learn and grow, and to encourage them to reach their potential.
March 24, 2014
March 7, 2014
have you ever wondered?
Matthew is 17 days old. I have been to the hospital every day. I have spent time holding him, caring for him, talking to him, reading to him and just watching him. In my eyes he is the most beautiful and perfect little boy. He is a blessing in my life and when I'm with him I feel more complete.
As I have spent time with him I have also had a lot of time to think. One day I was telling him about his other family members. I started with my siblings and then my husbands. One of my brothers and his wife were expecting a baby at the time, a little girl who they were naming Dresden Adele. I told Matthew about Dresden, and asked him if he remembered her. He got the cutest little smile on his face.
One thought that has come up more than once in the past two and a half weeks is, "What did he do before he was born?" I believe that before we were born we existed as spirits. I think that during that time we were able to communicate with each other and developed relationships with people. Most definitely with our family members and close friends. Sometimes there is someone that you just connect with, and you can't really explain it. I think that goes back to the time before we were born.
Matthew is named after his dad and his grandpa, who passed away when my husband was 13. I think that Matthew was able to get to know his grandpa better than any of us here on earth. There is also my Aunt Mary, Grandma Hoffman, Grandpa and Grandma Kirbey, Grandpa Cox, Grandpa John and many others that my little boy was able to learn from and get to know.
Have you ever wondered what babies dream about? I think they're learning. I think that is time that our Heavenly Father uses to teach them the things that they will need to know to succeed in life. I'm not talking about financial or worldly success, but the ability to overcome trials. To rise above the bad and negative that is so prevalent in the world today and see the good.
It can sometimes be pointless to ponder these things because we won't ever know the answer. All of this is speculation and personal belief. Just because I believe something doesn't mean that other people are going to, but hopefully they will respect it. And maybe, it will help them to see things in a different light, to think outside the box and push their limits.
As I have spent time with him I have also had a lot of time to think. One day I was telling him about his other family members. I started with my siblings and then my husbands. One of my brothers and his wife were expecting a baby at the time, a little girl who they were naming Dresden Adele. I told Matthew about Dresden, and asked him if he remembered her. He got the cutest little smile on his face.
One thought that has come up more than once in the past two and a half weeks is, "What did he do before he was born?" I believe that before we were born we existed as spirits. I think that during that time we were able to communicate with each other and developed relationships with people. Most definitely with our family members and close friends. Sometimes there is someone that you just connect with, and you can't really explain it. I think that goes back to the time before we were born.
Matthew is named after his dad and his grandpa, who passed away when my husband was 13. I think that Matthew was able to get to know his grandpa better than any of us here on earth. There is also my Aunt Mary, Grandma Hoffman, Grandpa and Grandma Kirbey, Grandpa Cox, Grandpa John and many others that my little boy was able to learn from and get to know.
Have you ever wondered what babies dream about? I think they're learning. I think that is time that our Heavenly Father uses to teach them the things that they will need to know to succeed in life. I'm not talking about financial or worldly success, but the ability to overcome trials. To rise above the bad and negative that is so prevalent in the world today and see the good.
It can sometimes be pointless to ponder these things because we won't ever know the answer. All of this is speculation and personal belief. Just because I believe something doesn't mean that other people are going to, but hopefully they will respect it. And maybe, it will help them to see things in a different light, to think outside the box and push their limits.
March 4, 2014
brownie batter
Sometimes brownie batter makes everything better.
I was having one of "those" days today. Sometimes I forget that the kids are coping with change just like I am. The difference is that they don't have the experience or the maturity to know how to deal with it. Usually they deal with it by; acting out, breaking rules, being disobedient, pushing limits, etc... I feel like I've talked to each of the kids at least 3 times since I got home from the hospital on the 23rd of February.
When I talk to them I try to find out what's going on. But then you have to wonder how much they're really understanding and if they know how to express what they're thinking and feeling. We use questions like, "Are you sad?" "Are you frustrated about anything?" "Is something upsetting you?" Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.
All I know is that we've had a crazy two weeks. I'm exhausted by it, my husband is exhausted by it, and the kids are doing great. I just have to remind myself of that. And for the days that I forget, there's always brownie batter.
I was having one of "those" days today. Sometimes I forget that the kids are coping with change just like I am. The difference is that they don't have the experience or the maturity to know how to deal with it. Usually they deal with it by; acting out, breaking rules, being disobedient, pushing limits, etc... I feel like I've talked to each of the kids at least 3 times since I got home from the hospital on the 23rd of February.
When I talk to them I try to find out what's going on. But then you have to wonder how much they're really understanding and if they know how to express what they're thinking and feeling. We use questions like, "Are you sad?" "Are you frustrated about anything?" "Is something upsetting you?" Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.
All I know is that we've had a crazy two weeks. I'm exhausted by it, my husband is exhausted by it, and the kids are doing great. I just have to remind myself of that. And for the days that I forget, there's always brownie batter.
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