the love of a mother

On March 19th my little man was one month old. It's amazing how much can happen in such a short amount of time.
Baby Matthew spent 20 days in the NICU at Doernbecher's Children's Hospital in Portland. I am grateful for the nurses and doctors who took such good care of him, for the volunteers that go in and hold the babies when the nurses can't. I'm thankful for family who came to help me by watching Jack, Emma, and Eva so that I could go to the hospital.
On March 10th Matthew came home. We had a follow up appointment for him on the 13th, he was up to 5lbs 7.5oz and 18.75 inches long. That weekend I noticed that his skin was slightly yellow, but only in certain light. Then on Monday the 17th he was really sleepy, and not eating well. I took him to the chiropractor for an adjustment, (It's amazing what our bodies can go through. His little body was in need of an adjustment.) then when I got home and had to wake him up to feed him, I started to worry. I called our clinic and described what I was seeing and told them I was worried it was jaundice. They recommended that I take him to the Emergency Room. Well, as a mother that's not really what you want to hear.
I took him into the Emergency Room, and within 15 minutes of checking in they had us back and were checking Matthew out. His temperature was 96, instead of 98.6, he still wasn't eating well and when they weighed him he hadn't gained any weight since the previous Thursday. They started drawing blood, and putting an IV in. I sat with him, trying to keep my emotions in check, but of course thinking that I'm a bad mom and that's why he's in the hospital after being home for only a week.
We were in the hospital from Monday night to Friday morning. He had a cold, which honestly is unavoidable, and turns out he had a UTI. They had him on an IV for the majority of the time for the UTI, and sent him home with an oral antibiotic.
Looking back on the last month I'm amazed at how quickly priorities can change. In a split second my life changed, all because of the miracle of birth. A 4lb 6oz little boy, became one of the 5 most important people in my life. For a short while I was resentful of Jack, Emma, and Eva, because they were taking my away from Matthew. I'm slowly learning how to handle everything. How to make time for the things that matter and how to let the things that don't matter slide.
I was worried that Jack, Emma, and Eva wouldn't like having a little brother. They absolutely love him. Emma would sit and stare at him all day if I would let her. He is a joy to have, and has helped me understand the love of a mother, and see what really matters in life.
I love all my kids. Jack, Emma, and Eva are so special, and have been through so much. They are resilient and so loving. They are forgiving and understanding. They want to be loved, and I'm lucky enough that they have chosen me to love them, and that they choose to call me mom. Matthew was sent to me. He is my gift from God, I have a responsibility to all 4 of my kids to teach them, love them, play with them, and to let them be kids, to allow them to learn and grow, and to encourage them to reach their potential.