giggles with eva

I love the times when I am able to play with the kids. It usually involves me chasing them around and tickling them. I LOVE hearing Eva giggle. It almost always makes me smile.

Today Eva was crawling around on the floor, using only her hands to pull herself forward, like a little 3 year old army crawl. I picked her up and tossed her onto our big lounge chair...she loved it. We did this a couple times and then I started chasing her around.

She's started going, "Hey Mom, look at this..." and will say it over and over until I say something. She makes me smile.

shock & awe

Today is Saturday. Every other Saturday is a visitation day for the kids, this just happens to be the "other" Saturday. I didn't get home until she was leaving. The girls had painted nails, Emma had curled hair and make-up on, and Eva had new jewelry. Jack got nothing. She is the "fun" mom, while I receive the joy of being the one to teach, scold, cook, clean, and train them. It is a joy...but they have a skewed view of what a mother does and is; so sometimes when I reprimand or correct them they have a hard time with it.

Their birth mother (that's what Emma has been calling her, it's kind of sad) does not realize how much psychological and emotional damage she has inflicted on them. I'm constantly having to wonder if the way they're reacting is because of something they've experienced before. I can't comprehend the full scope of the hurt they've endured, and it breaks my heart to think about.

With how drastically my life has changed in the past year, it's no wonder that I sometimes get a little emotional. (At least that's what I'm telling myself.) I am realizing that I really miss my friends. I have no one close by that I can just talk to, about anything and nothing. At work I have employees who would love to buddy up to me, but that's inappropriate in my position. At home I have my wonderful husband who listens and puts up with a lot, but sometimes I need someone who isn't so wrapped up in me. Who can be an impartial listener and not always try to fix things. :) I sure do love him.

Here are some helpful resources for beginning the journey of a step-family, dealing with an ex, and other "fun" things:
Helpful Strategies to Deal With Ex-Partners in Remarriage 
Managing Stress in Step-Families
Developing Strengths in Step-Families
Focus on the Family: Blended Families

summer woes...oh me, oh my

Summer break...should be a fun time for a family.

My husband works full time (plus some...), I work full time (plus some...), we have 3 busy kids, then there is the housework, and the bills, and everything else. We have tried planning a vacation at least 3 times in the 3 months we have been married. First it was to Utah to see my brother and his family (that was vetoed because of the small car we have. 5 people in a 5 seater car for 12 hours did not sound enjoyable to either my husband or myself), then it was to Seattle to see my sister and her family (that was more a time/financial restraint), then to Medford to see my husbands Grandma (that is not going to happen because of issues at my work).

I feel bad for the kids, when I am home with them, I'm trying to get the housework done and plan meals and everything else. So my patience is not what it should be with them. They are SOOO patient with me though, no matter how many times I get frustrated and raise my voice, they always forgive me and love me no matter what.

We are trying to get Jack into Cub Scouts, he is very excited about it. Emma is more excited to start school in the fall than she is for Summer. Eva just goes along with each day. They are great kids, even though in many ways they try my patience, they remind me that there are more important things than work and making sure the floors are clean. Coloring with Emma, or reading books to them, watching Eva play with her princess dress, listening to Jack as he builds with Lego's and talks to himself...THAT is what matters. Those quiet moments when I can really see them for the cute little individuals that they are, and not just as "the kids".

Jack is such a big help to his dad. He will go out and work in the yard with him for hours without complaining. He loves to be the big brother and loves to spend time with his dad.

Emma is a smart beautiful little girl. She mimics me all the time, if I sit with my legs crossed, she will. If I do my hair a certain way, she wants hers done that way. She is a good reminder that I constantly need to watch what I say and do so that I continue to set a good example for her.

Eva is mischievous. She is incredibly smart. She loves to help me. If I am in the kitchen, she wants to help. If I am doing laundry, she wants to help. She will also follow me everywhere. (Which does get old.)

I guess my point with this post is that even if we don't get a "real" vacation, as long as I can remember, and help my husband remember the important things, then we will have a good Summer.

Here's hoping... :)

Here are some links that have good ideas for Summer activities; http://spoonful.com/summer
http://www.examiner.com/article/5-simple-free-and-fun-summer-activities-for-young-kids
 http://holidays.kaboose.com/summer/

swimming with piranhas

The kids' mom came over yesterday for visitation. As soon as she drove up I got nervous. My hands were shaking, my heart was beating fast and my appetite went away. My husband went out and said hello. When he told her that I was there, she refused to walk through the house to the back yard. I don't mind her not coming through the house, but where did she think I was going to be? It's my house.

As soon as Eva saw her she yelled "Mommy!" and ran outside. This hurt a lot more than I thought it would. She refused to come in when the kids ate dinner, so we cycled through them by doing one on one time. I will admit that I eavesdropped on her conversations with the kids. Matt spent most of the visit outside with her and the kids. I wasn't going to force my presence on her, knowing that she doesn't want to be around me, so I stayed inside.

I was going to meet her though. I've been taking care of her kids for 4 months! Any sane mother would have insisted on meeting the new wife as soon as possible...which just goes to show that she's not sane.

At the end of her visit she came in and introduced herself. She tried to make small talk, and said she wants to go to lunch, or at least spend an hour together, to get to know each other. The only thing I could think of is that I would rather swim with piranhas...and I don't swim.

how to teach a 3 yr old to express themselves...through words

Hopefully I'm not the only one that's experienced this; Eva is 3, and the youngest. Her older siblings LOVE to tell me what she's saying. This is to be expected though. Not only because she's the youngest, and in my experience most older siblings love to talk "for" their younger siblings, but my husband was a single father for 3 years, and had to rely on our oldest, Jack, to help him know what was happening. So if someone gets hurt, Jack is right there telling us what's going on. I am, however, trying to encourage Eva to actually talk for herself. Her vocabulary has grown by leaps and bounds just since my husband and I got married.

If she gets hurts...she will sit there and cry. I can tell that there's nothing seriously wrong, so I don't go rushing over there. Maybe this sounds insensitive to some people, but if I spent all day running at their every beck and call I would accomplish nothing. So I tell her, you need to calm down and tell me what happened. She usually doesn't, so I ask her to go sit on her bed until she can talk. Literally 30 seconds later she's out playing and just fine.

If she is frustrated...she starts crying or whining. We're working on her changing her own clothes, she can put them on just fine, but sometimes she has a hard time taking them off. So I've tried to encourage her by saying, "You are a big girl and you can do this." She's done much better at this.

My point in all this rambling is to say it's hard to teach them to do something. Sometimes it's so much easier to just do it yourself.

Not only are we dealing with Eva and encouraging her to express herself through words and not crying/whining. (I'm not against crying, trust me, I've done plenty of it myself lately.) All of them are old enough that they can do chores. I have Jack and Emma fold their own clothes and put them away, Eva helps me put hers away. But when it comes to consistently having them do other things, it's SOOO much easier for me to just do it. I know I need to stop that, otherwise I'll be hindering them from learning responsibility and basics of taking care of yourself, not to mention being part of a family means that you work together to accomplish what needs to be done.

I did not realize how easy I had it when I was a kid. Bless my parents for putting up with me...and my 6 siblings. :)