Time management is hard. Hopefully I'm not the only one with this problem. It's always been a struggle for me. And now that I have a baby in the NICU, as well as 3 kids at home and a house to run, I'm discovering more difficulties.
It's hard to know what's GOOD, BETTER, and BEST. I know it's GOOD to clean my house, but spending one on one time with my kids is probably BETTER. The really hard decision is how much time to spend at the hospital with my baby. I don't want Jack, Emma and Eva to feel neglected or replaced. I have spent the last year getting to know them, and developing a relationship with them.
I love them, but since having baby Matthew occasionally I feel resentment, because I know I can't spend all day with my baby. I have other responsibilities, people that are counting on me. Don't get me wrong, they are fantastic and amazing kids, and I am proud of the fact that they call me Mom. To me that is an honor, and I don't take it lightly. There are times when I get upset and frustrated and Eva won't call me Mom, that is a rude awakening that I have let her down.
I guess I'm learning that I can't choose between my kids. They are all important to me. At certain times one will receive more attention than the others. I think that's normal because each of us are so different and unique. Right now Matthew needs me, and I need to know that he is okay. I have sat down and talked with Jack, Emma, and Eva and let them know that I need their help. They are so great; vacuuming, sweeping, cleaning their rooms, dishes, laundry...they definitely know how to work hard and help around the house.
As a parent, it's hard not to second guess yourself at every turn.
No comments:
Post a Comment