I was thinking today about some things that have happened since I met my wonderful husband. Here are some of my favorites.
1. Each night at dinner we go around and ask everyone what their favorite part of the day was, multiple times Jack has said, "Seeing you."
2. Tucking them in at night.
3. Reading bedtime stories...they love it. :)
4. Singing songs with them. I did it with the girls tonight for 20 minutes. It was supposed to help them calm down for bed...so far it hasn't worked.
5. Hearing them call me mom.
6. Having them enjoy meals that I make.
7. Cuddling with them.
8. Usually it drives me up the wall, but sometimes it's cute when the girls shadow me.
9. Hearing them sing Disney songs.
10. Watching Jack be such a good big brother.
May 24, 2013
May 23, 2013
reality check...i'm not perfect
I had a minor breakdown today. Thank goodness for a husband who is simply amazing and listens when I vent. Let's just say that I was REALLY looking forward to two days alone with my husband.
I've been reading up on step-parenting and the "do's" and "don'ts" of blending a family. The thing is...each situation is so very different. Not to mention you have to consider the circumstances surrounding the divorce/death/separation, previous experiences, whether or not there are children involved; all of that plays an important part in combining two completely separate families and making them one. It's hard for me to read those books and articles when my situation is unique (at least I feel that it is).
The kids' mother has never been one to "mother". Bedtime stories, tucking them in, making dinner, doing laundry, just being there; these are things that she never did. Not to mention she is a drug addict and since my husband divorced her 3 years ago she is very inconsistent with her visitations. She usually buys presents for them when she comes, to make up for the fact that she isn't around. Since I have been in the picture I have tried to fill that role. (Some people might question the wisdom in that decision, but my husband and I have determined that that is what the kids need.) I have never once urged them to call me mom, or tell me "I love you" or show physical affection. BUT, 50% of the time they do call me mom. That shows me that they want and need a motherly influence.
My venting today was about the resentment I was feeling, that was probably THE hardest thing to have to tell my husband. I love the kids, but it is hard to go from being single, to being partially responsible for 4 other people. I also told him that I feel like a failure; between work and home I don't feel line I am able to give 100% to everything.
Being married is never easy, but to throw 3 kids into the mix right off the bat feels like insanity sometimes. There have been a few times when I have wondered if I married Matt at the right time. Not because I don't love him, because I do, but because of the kids. I wonder if we had waited a little longer if they would have been better off, or if I would have been able to adjust more.
After I vented and went on a drive (I went grocery shopping), I came home and started laundry. Emma and Eva LOVE to watch what I'm doing. They usually follow me around instead of playing. Well Eva was watching me so she helped me put the groceries away and then helped me start laundry. She's only 3 so I was asking her what the different colors were as I separated the whites and colors. At dinner time when we went around and asked everyone what their favorite part of the day was, Eva said, "Helping you." THAT is why I am doing what I do. Jack, Emma, and Eva deserve my best. I am determined to give them just that.
I've been reading up on step-parenting and the "do's" and "don'ts" of blending a family. The thing is...each situation is so very different. Not to mention you have to consider the circumstances surrounding the divorce/death/separation, previous experiences, whether or not there are children involved; all of that plays an important part in combining two completely separate families and making them one. It's hard for me to read those books and articles when my situation is unique (at least I feel that it is).
The kids' mother has never been one to "mother". Bedtime stories, tucking them in, making dinner, doing laundry, just being there; these are things that she never did. Not to mention she is a drug addict and since my husband divorced her 3 years ago she is very inconsistent with her visitations. She usually buys presents for them when she comes, to make up for the fact that she isn't around. Since I have been in the picture I have tried to fill that role. (Some people might question the wisdom in that decision, but my husband and I have determined that that is what the kids need.) I have never once urged them to call me mom, or tell me "I love you" or show physical affection. BUT, 50% of the time they do call me mom. That shows me that they want and need a motherly influence.
My venting today was about the resentment I was feeling, that was probably THE hardest thing to have to tell my husband. I love the kids, but it is hard to go from being single, to being partially responsible for 4 other people. I also told him that I feel like a failure; between work and home I don't feel line I am able to give 100% to everything.
Being married is never easy, but to throw 3 kids into the mix right off the bat feels like insanity sometimes. There have been a few times when I have wondered if I married Matt at the right time. Not because I don't love him, because I do, but because of the kids. I wonder if we had waited a little longer if they would have been better off, or if I would have been able to adjust more.
After I vented and went on a drive (I went grocery shopping), I came home and started laundry. Emma and Eva LOVE to watch what I'm doing. They usually follow me around instead of playing. Well Eva was watching me so she helped me put the groceries away and then helped me start laundry. She's only 3 so I was asking her what the different colors were as I separated the whites and colors. At dinner time when we went around and asked everyone what their favorite part of the day was, Eva said, "Helping you." THAT is why I am doing what I do. Jack, Emma, and Eva deserve my best. I am determined to give them just that.
May 22, 2013
a little joy
Matt and I were going to have 2 days by ourselves because the kids were at their aunts...but they all got sick. I got home from work tonight at 10, and went in and kissed them all goodnight. Emma smiled when I got to her. :) It kind of makes it all worthwhile.
and it begins...
My husband, Matt, and I met in November of 2012. I had just moved to Portland, OR from Northern Utah in October to accept a job promotion. I was 26 and eager to find the right man to marry after a series of failed relationships. Growing up in an LDS family, marriage was always a goal. I had been married before, when I was 19 to a man who was a drug addict and abusive. That marriage ended before I turned 20.
Matt and I met online...I NEVER imagined that happening to me. But, thank goodness it did. :) We met in person a week after exchanging 3-4 emails a day. We ended up talking for 3 hours that night, and only stopped because I had to work early the next day. We saw each other 4 times that week, and talked on the phone every night. It wasn't long before we were seeing each other every day. He had told me that he didn't want to introduce a woman to his kids until they were serious. When I met them, it was love at first sight.
Matt had been married before to a woman who was a drug addict and abusive. They were married for 3 years and had 2 kids. His oldest (Jack) is not biologically his; emotionally, psychologically, and physically he is. Matt fully took on the responsibility of being a father when he met and married his ex-wife. As his marriage went on, they had two more children, Emma and Eva. Both girls were addicted to prescription drugs at birth because of their mother. Thankfully, neither one has shown any effects of that years down the road. My husband divorced his ex after Eva was born when he realized that his wife would never change her ways. He set out on the difficult road of single parenthood with 3 kids to care for.
Now after being married for almost 2 months my grand illusions of being a picture perfect family have been put to rest. I never thought parenting was easy, but I come from a large family (6 siblings and 17 nieces and nephews) so I thought it would be a little easier for me. I did not fully consider what the kids had been through in the past, living with them, caring for them, working full time outside of the home, helping my husband start his business, grocery shopping, laundry, vacuuming...and everything else that comes with having a home and a family.
This blog is a way for me to express my frustrations with myself, the joys, the tears, and everything else in between. Hopefully in the end it might help other people embarking on the journey of being a step-parent. One thing I know for sure, parenting in ANY form; single, working, stay-at-home, or step is NEVER easy.
Matt and I met online...I NEVER imagined that happening to me. But, thank goodness it did. :) We met in person a week after exchanging 3-4 emails a day. We ended up talking for 3 hours that night, and only stopped because I had to work early the next day. We saw each other 4 times that week, and talked on the phone every night. It wasn't long before we were seeing each other every day. He had told me that he didn't want to introduce a woman to his kids until they were serious. When I met them, it was love at first sight.
Matt had been married before to a woman who was a drug addict and abusive. They were married for 3 years and had 2 kids. His oldest (Jack) is not biologically his; emotionally, psychologically, and physically he is. Matt fully took on the responsibility of being a father when he met and married his ex-wife. As his marriage went on, they had two more children, Emma and Eva. Both girls were addicted to prescription drugs at birth because of their mother. Thankfully, neither one has shown any effects of that years down the road. My husband divorced his ex after Eva was born when he realized that his wife would never change her ways. He set out on the difficult road of single parenthood with 3 kids to care for.
Now after being married for almost 2 months my grand illusions of being a picture perfect family have been put to rest. I never thought parenting was easy, but I come from a large family (6 siblings and 17 nieces and nephews) so I thought it would be a little easier for me. I did not fully consider what the kids had been through in the past, living with them, caring for them, working full time outside of the home, helping my husband start his business, grocery shopping, laundry, vacuuming...and everything else that comes with having a home and a family.
This blog is a way for me to express my frustrations with myself, the joys, the tears, and everything else in between. Hopefully in the end it might help other people embarking on the journey of being a step-parent. One thing I know for sure, parenting in ANY form; single, working, stay-at-home, or step is NEVER easy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)