My friend shared this article on Facebook, and when I read it, I felt like I needed to share it here. Click the link to read it. To Parents of Small Children: Let Me Be the One Who Says It Out Loud
After reading this article...I felt like I needed to confess some things I do. :)
Sometimes (meaning at least once a week) I pretend I'm asleep when I don't want the kids to bother me.
Sometimes I yell.
Sometimes I ignore them.
Sometimes I cry when I apologize for losing my temper with them.
Sometimes (meaning very rarely) I miss the alone time I was able to have when I was single. But then I get to hear Eva and Emma laugh together, or hear how Jack's day was at school...then those moments usually go away.
I am still learning, and this is okay.
I have heard many times how "amazing" I am, and how much good I'm doing for the kids by getting married to my husband and stepping into their lives. News Flash...I don't feel amazing most of the time, nor do I feel like I'm doing any good. Many times I am thinking of that morning when I snapped at Emma for not eating fast enough (why does that stress me out?) or when I got frustrated with Eva for changing her pants...for the 3rd time that day.
This morning I took Jack to school. He needed to be at school by 7:45, I needed to be at work by 8:00. (We left the house at 7:30, I live 30 mins from work...with good traffic.) Traffic in Portland at 7:30 on a Thursday is not "good" I was 30 mins late to work, good thing I'm the boss. :) I caught myself thinking, "I can't do that again, why did I insist on getting the girls ready this morning too?" I was able to stop that train of thought and switch too, "I now have the memory of combing their hair, letting all three of them eat breakfast together on a regular basis, remembering how smart they are when they repeat back what I've asked them to do after breakfast..." That list could go on and on. I love these kids. Sometimes I need to just take a step back and remember that I love them.
May 30, 2013
May 29, 2013
children's clothes
When Emma outgrows clothes, they're passed on to Eva. I think this is fairly normal. So...Eva has a TON of clothes.
I finally went through her dresser tonight, needless to say I have a fairly good sized pile that Eva has outgrown. Those will be going to my niece.
Emma has sometimes felt upset because Eva gets her stuff. I've had to tell her that she gets new clothes whereas Eva usually only gets hand-me-downs. A couple times Emma and I have gone shopping together. I'm also trying to help her understand that we need to take care of our things. So she's slowly been earning her new clothes as she shows me she can be more responsible.
The more time I spend with my three beautiful, crazy, wonderful rascals, the more I learn about myself. It's definitely something I can't do on my own. I'm constantly reminded to either turn to the scriptures or pray. The Lord has been my greatest strength through this transition. Even a strength in something as "mundane" as sorting children's clothes. :)
May 27, 2013
fevers and dinner and nap-time...oh my!
It all started last Wednesday, when the kids were supposed to be at their aunts...but they decided to get sick instead. Thursday morning they were fine, no fever, Jack still wasn't eating quite as much as he normally does, but nothing to worry about. Thursday I kept them inside all day (it was raining cats and dogs anyway). Friday Jack was still moving a little slower and his appetite still hadn't returned to full force yet. Saturday dawned and it wasn't raining! We spent the day outside working in the yard as a family. I was happy, Jack was his normal self, the kids were having fun, they were outside. And then Sunday came. We got the kids ready for church, went to all our classes, came home and Eva wasn't feeling well. Took her temperature after lunch and it was 101, she also had no appetite. We gave her some Tylenol, I cuddled with her, made sure she was drinking a lot of water. Matt talked with the kids' aunt and her little girl has been sick all week/weekend. At first they thought it was chicken pox but now they think it's hand, foot, and mouth disease. (I didn't even know what this was until I looked it up last night on Google...thank goodness for the Internet.) I looked up the symptoms...and it fits what Eva has. So we're now keeping an eye on her.
This week the kids have not eaten like they normally do. Usually they scarf down whatever you put in front of them. One day for breakfast I made scrambled eggs with cheese and hash browns with cheese...you can never have enough cheese in our house. They barely touched their hash browns! Another day I made sloppy joes for dinner...now c'mon, what kid doesn't like a messy meal? Evidently Emma and Eva don't. (Frankly, I got a little tired of hearing the whining about food, so they ended up eating sloppy joes for breakfast the next day.) I know understand to a small degree how my mom felt with 7 kids at home.
Nap time...I never took naps before I got married. Now all I want to do is sleep. From Thursday to Sunday this week I have tried to take one. I am one of those people who have a hard time sleeping during the day, so usually I was "resting my eyes" (I've never understood that term by the way). Well...when the girls would come in to "check" on me, I admit that I pretended to be asleep. But Sunday I was actually able to fall asleep for an hour! And then...I couldn't fall asleep until 1 am, when, of course, I had to be up getting ready for work at 5 am.
Parenting can be a vicious cycle sometimes. I'm just grateful my mom put up with me!
Here's to a new week!
This week the kids have not eaten like they normally do. Usually they scarf down whatever you put in front of them. One day for breakfast I made scrambled eggs with cheese and hash browns with cheese...you can never have enough cheese in our house. They barely touched their hash browns! Another day I made sloppy joes for dinner...now c'mon, what kid doesn't like a messy meal? Evidently Emma and Eva don't. (Frankly, I got a little tired of hearing the whining about food, so they ended up eating sloppy joes for breakfast the next day.) I know understand to a small degree how my mom felt with 7 kids at home.
Nap time...I never took naps before I got married. Now all I want to do is sleep. From Thursday to Sunday this week I have tried to take one. I am one of those people who have a hard time sleeping during the day, so usually I was "resting my eyes" (I've never understood that term by the way). Well...when the girls would come in to "check" on me, I admit that I pretended to be asleep. But Sunday I was actually able to fall asleep for an hour! And then...I couldn't fall asleep until 1 am, when, of course, I had to be up getting ready for work at 5 am.
Parenting can be a vicious cycle sometimes. I'm just grateful my mom put up with me!
Here's to a new week!
May 24, 2013
a few of my favorite things
I was thinking today about some things that have happened since I met my wonderful husband. Here are some of my favorites.
1. Each night at dinner we go around and ask everyone what their favorite part of the day was, multiple times Jack has said, "Seeing you."
2. Tucking them in at night.
3. Reading bedtime stories...they love it. :)
4. Singing songs with them. I did it with the girls tonight for 20 minutes. It was supposed to help them calm down for bed...so far it hasn't worked.
5. Hearing them call me mom.
6. Having them enjoy meals that I make.
7. Cuddling with them.
8. Usually it drives me up the wall, but sometimes it's cute when the girls shadow me.
9. Hearing them sing Disney songs.
10. Watching Jack be such a good big brother.
1. Each night at dinner we go around and ask everyone what their favorite part of the day was, multiple times Jack has said, "Seeing you."
2. Tucking them in at night.
3. Reading bedtime stories...they love it. :)
4. Singing songs with them. I did it with the girls tonight for 20 minutes. It was supposed to help them calm down for bed...so far it hasn't worked.
5. Hearing them call me mom.
6. Having them enjoy meals that I make.
7. Cuddling with them.
8. Usually it drives me up the wall, but sometimes it's cute when the girls shadow me.
9. Hearing them sing Disney songs.
10. Watching Jack be such a good big brother.
May 23, 2013
reality check...i'm not perfect
I had a minor breakdown today. Thank goodness for a husband who is simply amazing and listens when I vent. Let's just say that I was REALLY looking forward to two days alone with my husband.
I've been reading up on step-parenting and the "do's" and "don'ts" of blending a family. The thing is...each situation is so very different. Not to mention you have to consider the circumstances surrounding the divorce/death/separation, previous experiences, whether or not there are children involved; all of that plays an important part in combining two completely separate families and making them one. It's hard for me to read those books and articles when my situation is unique (at least I feel that it is).
The kids' mother has never been one to "mother". Bedtime stories, tucking them in, making dinner, doing laundry, just being there; these are things that she never did. Not to mention she is a drug addict and since my husband divorced her 3 years ago she is very inconsistent with her visitations. She usually buys presents for them when she comes, to make up for the fact that she isn't around. Since I have been in the picture I have tried to fill that role. (Some people might question the wisdom in that decision, but my husband and I have determined that that is what the kids need.) I have never once urged them to call me mom, or tell me "I love you" or show physical affection. BUT, 50% of the time they do call me mom. That shows me that they want and need a motherly influence.
My venting today was about the resentment I was feeling, that was probably THE hardest thing to have to tell my husband. I love the kids, but it is hard to go from being single, to being partially responsible for 4 other people. I also told him that I feel like a failure; between work and home I don't feel line I am able to give 100% to everything.
Being married is never easy, but to throw 3 kids into the mix right off the bat feels like insanity sometimes. There have been a few times when I have wondered if I married Matt at the right time. Not because I don't love him, because I do, but because of the kids. I wonder if we had waited a little longer if they would have been better off, or if I would have been able to adjust more.
After I vented and went on a drive (I went grocery shopping), I came home and started laundry. Emma and Eva LOVE to watch what I'm doing. They usually follow me around instead of playing. Well Eva was watching me so she helped me put the groceries away and then helped me start laundry. She's only 3 so I was asking her what the different colors were as I separated the whites and colors. At dinner time when we went around and asked everyone what their favorite part of the day was, Eva said, "Helping you." THAT is why I am doing what I do. Jack, Emma, and Eva deserve my best. I am determined to give them just that.
I've been reading up on step-parenting and the "do's" and "don'ts" of blending a family. The thing is...each situation is so very different. Not to mention you have to consider the circumstances surrounding the divorce/death/separation, previous experiences, whether or not there are children involved; all of that plays an important part in combining two completely separate families and making them one. It's hard for me to read those books and articles when my situation is unique (at least I feel that it is).
The kids' mother has never been one to "mother". Bedtime stories, tucking them in, making dinner, doing laundry, just being there; these are things that she never did. Not to mention she is a drug addict and since my husband divorced her 3 years ago she is very inconsistent with her visitations. She usually buys presents for them when she comes, to make up for the fact that she isn't around. Since I have been in the picture I have tried to fill that role. (Some people might question the wisdom in that decision, but my husband and I have determined that that is what the kids need.) I have never once urged them to call me mom, or tell me "I love you" or show physical affection. BUT, 50% of the time they do call me mom. That shows me that they want and need a motherly influence.
My venting today was about the resentment I was feeling, that was probably THE hardest thing to have to tell my husband. I love the kids, but it is hard to go from being single, to being partially responsible for 4 other people. I also told him that I feel like a failure; between work and home I don't feel line I am able to give 100% to everything.
Being married is never easy, but to throw 3 kids into the mix right off the bat feels like insanity sometimes. There have been a few times when I have wondered if I married Matt at the right time. Not because I don't love him, because I do, but because of the kids. I wonder if we had waited a little longer if they would have been better off, or if I would have been able to adjust more.
After I vented and went on a drive (I went grocery shopping), I came home and started laundry. Emma and Eva LOVE to watch what I'm doing. They usually follow me around instead of playing. Well Eva was watching me so she helped me put the groceries away and then helped me start laundry. She's only 3 so I was asking her what the different colors were as I separated the whites and colors. At dinner time when we went around and asked everyone what their favorite part of the day was, Eva said, "Helping you." THAT is why I am doing what I do. Jack, Emma, and Eva deserve my best. I am determined to give them just that.
May 22, 2013
a little joy
Matt and I were going to have 2 days by ourselves because the kids were at their aunts...but they all got sick. I got home from work tonight at 10, and went in and kissed them all goodnight. Emma smiled when I got to her. :) It kind of makes it all worthwhile.
and it begins...
My husband, Matt, and I met in November of 2012. I had just moved to Portland, OR from Northern Utah in October to accept a job promotion. I was 26 and eager to find the right man to marry after a series of failed relationships. Growing up in an LDS family, marriage was always a goal. I had been married before, when I was 19 to a man who was a drug addict and abusive. That marriage ended before I turned 20.
Matt and I met online...I NEVER imagined that happening to me. But, thank goodness it did. :) We met in person a week after exchanging 3-4 emails a day. We ended up talking for 3 hours that night, and only stopped because I had to work early the next day. We saw each other 4 times that week, and talked on the phone every night. It wasn't long before we were seeing each other every day. He had told me that he didn't want to introduce a woman to his kids until they were serious. When I met them, it was love at first sight.
Matt had been married before to a woman who was a drug addict and abusive. They were married for 3 years and had 2 kids. His oldest (Jack) is not biologically his; emotionally, psychologically, and physically he is. Matt fully took on the responsibility of being a father when he met and married his ex-wife. As his marriage went on, they had two more children, Emma and Eva. Both girls were addicted to prescription drugs at birth because of their mother. Thankfully, neither one has shown any effects of that years down the road. My husband divorced his ex after Eva was born when he realized that his wife would never change her ways. He set out on the difficult road of single parenthood with 3 kids to care for.
Now after being married for almost 2 months my grand illusions of being a picture perfect family have been put to rest. I never thought parenting was easy, but I come from a large family (6 siblings and 17 nieces and nephews) so I thought it would be a little easier for me. I did not fully consider what the kids had been through in the past, living with them, caring for them, working full time outside of the home, helping my husband start his business, grocery shopping, laundry, vacuuming...and everything else that comes with having a home and a family.
This blog is a way for me to express my frustrations with myself, the joys, the tears, and everything else in between. Hopefully in the end it might help other people embarking on the journey of being a step-parent. One thing I know for sure, parenting in ANY form; single, working, stay-at-home, or step is NEVER easy.
Matt and I met online...I NEVER imagined that happening to me. But, thank goodness it did. :) We met in person a week after exchanging 3-4 emails a day. We ended up talking for 3 hours that night, and only stopped because I had to work early the next day. We saw each other 4 times that week, and talked on the phone every night. It wasn't long before we were seeing each other every day. He had told me that he didn't want to introduce a woman to his kids until they were serious. When I met them, it was love at first sight.
Matt had been married before to a woman who was a drug addict and abusive. They were married for 3 years and had 2 kids. His oldest (Jack) is not biologically his; emotionally, psychologically, and physically he is. Matt fully took on the responsibility of being a father when he met and married his ex-wife. As his marriage went on, they had two more children, Emma and Eva. Both girls were addicted to prescription drugs at birth because of their mother. Thankfully, neither one has shown any effects of that years down the road. My husband divorced his ex after Eva was born when he realized that his wife would never change her ways. He set out on the difficult road of single parenthood with 3 kids to care for.
Now after being married for almost 2 months my grand illusions of being a picture perfect family have been put to rest. I never thought parenting was easy, but I come from a large family (6 siblings and 17 nieces and nephews) so I thought it would be a little easier for me. I did not fully consider what the kids had been through in the past, living with them, caring for them, working full time outside of the home, helping my husband start his business, grocery shopping, laundry, vacuuming...and everything else that comes with having a home and a family.
This blog is a way for me to express my frustrations with myself, the joys, the tears, and everything else in between. Hopefully in the end it might help other people embarking on the journey of being a step-parent. One thing I know for sure, parenting in ANY form; single, working, stay-at-home, or step is NEVER easy.
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