February 26, 2014

life changes in an instant pt 3

So now we get to the fun part, recovery. My husband was unable to spend the entire time with me at the hospital, due to the fact that we have 3 other kids, and he has a business to run. (Thank goodness that both of us have jobs that are flexible!) He would make a point of coming to see baby Matthew and I every day though. Aside from my husband I had a few visitors and lots of people checking to see how I was doing. I have to say that I love my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is set up so that members look out for one another. I had at least 10 people either visit or call/text to see how I was.

The first day or so I just wanted to sleep, I was so tired. Unfortunately the medication I was on required them to continue to check on me every hour. This made for a lot of interrupted sleep. I was unable to go visit baby Matthew on my own. I wasn't steady enough to walk yet, that took me until the day after the surgery, and even then it was very slow, small steps. The first time I went to the NICU a nurse followed me with a wheelchair. I was very content to just hold my baby. I just wanted to love on him. He was so very precious, the one thing I wish was different was me not being able to hold him immediately after delivery. I wanted that time to connect and bond with him.

He clasps his hands together like this all the time.
Every day I went down multiple times to hold him. I got to change diapers, feed him (or at least try too, he's still figuring out the bottle) and really just love on him. The only problem was that I was exhausted! Every time I would hold him I would start to fall asleep, needless to say he's a very comfortable cuddle buddy.

They were still checking my blood pressure throughout the day. It was not stabilizing like they wanted it too. I ended up being in the hospital for a total of 5 days. They sent me home with a blood pressure medication and all sorts of limitations because of the surgery.

I now get to go see my baby every day in the NICU. I have good days and hard days. It is hard to leave him. I am a brand new mom, and for some reason trusting someone who's been a nurse for almost 30 years to take care of my baby is hard. I know though that he is in the best place. OHSU is known for their work, and Doernbechers Children's Hospital is nationally renowned. I have to remember that he is in charge of when he comes home. When he is ready he will eat from a bottle and nurse. When he's ready he will gain more weight. And in the meantime, I will get to love on him every day, as much as I can.

life changes in an instant pt 2

Matthew Steven Veil 02.19.2014 4:43am 4 lbs 6 oz 17 3/4"
Once I get in the operating room they numb me up. It is a weird sensation to feel everything from the chest down slowly lose feeling. They strap me down and put up the shield in front of my face. I'm going from hot to cold and back again, I'm feeling nauseous, but thank goodness my wonderful husband is there to hold my hand and be with me. I can only feel the pressure as they work through the surgery. Even though I was numb, the amount of pressure when the pushed on my stomach to get the baby out was intense. I can only imagine how much a vaginal delivery would hurt. Once the baby was out I heard the most beautiful sound, his cry. He could breathe on his own! Being 5 1/2 weeks early, I had been worried about that, I knew it would lengthen his time in the hospital if he couldn't. I was able to see him really quickly before they took him away to clean him up and make sure everything else was working okay.

My husband was able to go see him, but couldn't hold him right away. They put an IV in him and had monitors for his heart rate, respiratory rate, oxygen intake and all the other little checks they do. Meanwhile I'm being sewn up, this was probably the most uncomfortable part. Once they finish that I am wheeled into a recovery room where I spend the next 1 1/2 to 2 hours waiting for my body to regain feeling. For the first 30 minutes or so I was shaking uncontrollably. I was told this was due to the shock of the surgery.  I was so thirsty and starving! I think it was around 6:30 when they finally let me have ice chips, my husband spoon fed them too me since I couldn't move anything. :) They had this amazing gown that could have warm or cold air blown through it, I was cold and this was a God send.

They finally get me up to a room, and on the way I was able to see my handsome prince. They wheeled my bed past his incubator (we made quite a pair at this point) and I could barely touch his hand. He was hooked up to so many monitors, it just about broke my heart. After that they get me to my room and get me settled. I finally have feeling in my legs, but I am super groggy and quite drugged. They are still checking my blood pressure every hour, as well as my temperature and oxygen intake. This means that a CNA would come in every hour to personally check, talk about not being able to sleep. At this point I think I had been up for 29 hours, while my husband had been up for around 32 hours. Thank goodness my husband was able to fall asleep for a little bit.

I wasn't able to hold baby Matthew until he was 14 hours old, and it was only for about 15 minutes. They had to have a nurse take me in a wheelchair, I had an IV, and Matthew was hooked up to all his things. I cried, I was unable to help my baby, and it was the worst feeling ever. My body hadn't been strong enough to protect and care for him in utero, and now that he was born I couldn't even go see him on my own.
He was beautiful, and so very small. He was perfect, and he won my heart from the first moment I touched his little hand. I don't know how it works, but I fell in love with him in a moment. I would have gone through it all over again, just to bring him into the world.

life changes in an instant pt 1

On February 18th I went in for a routine prenatal exam. (Or what I thought would be routine.) I had my 4 year old daughter, Eva, with me. My husband had been planning on coming, but got caught up between work and traffic, I told him, "Don't worry about it, I'm fine."

Every visit starts the same; weight, urine, and blood pressure, followed by a list of questions I had begun to memorize. My blood pressure was high, the CNA asked me if it was normally high, and then said the Dr would double check when she came in. The Dr comes in and asks me questions, and double checks my blood pressure. Still high. She then measures my stomach (I was a little small for how far along I was.) and asks if she can check to see if I'm dilated. Then she checks my blood pressure again. Still high. She tells me that she wants to send me over to Labor and Delivery for observation, that they might prescribe bed rest or delivery.

I start crying, I am not ready for this. I am a very active person, I have 3 kids, I manage a business, I have bills to pay and a house to run...who has time for bed rest. And delivery? Please, my mom and sisters didn't have any problems with pregnancies, I am not about to change that trend. Not too mention the baby would be 5 1/2 weeks early, I need that time to mentally prepare.

Eva and I walk over to Labor and Delivery (walking should do wonders for high blood pressure right?) and find out that children under 12 years of age are not allowed due to the flu. I understood why, but at that moment I was frustrated. My life would be changing, and I had no control, nor did I know what to expect. The let me keep Eva with me in the room, but I had to have a plan for her. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to be here for just a couple hours so they can watch my blood pressure come down. So of course I didn't see what the big deal was. I had called my husband who was picking up the big kids from school and then coming to be with me. He had called his mom to see if she could come get Eva. They get me all hooked up to the machine and check my blood pressure every 15 minutes. (If you have ever been through this, it is not relaxing.)

Multiple Dr's come in and introduce themselves to me, asking me question after question. They check my urine again, and all the while I'm trying to stay calm for Eva so that she doesn't get stressed out. My mother-in-law comes to pick Eva up. My husband shows up and we're both thinking this is going to be a quick in and out visit. At most over night. He is with me when they take me to another more permanent room (that should have been my first warning.) and is great, he talks to me and reassures me. They are still checking my blood pressure every 15 minutes, and have mentioned multiple times my swollen feet. I have now had my blood drawn a couple times, and had an IV put in with a magnesium sulfate drip. I have to have help going to the bathroom, they're ordering an ultrasound, and more Dr's come in. During the ultrasound they notice that the baby is breech, and that my fluid level is lower than it should be, but the baby is okay.

My husband leaves, we're both still thinking this will end with me being on bed rest. At 11:30 that night 3 Dr's come in and tell me that my blood pressure is not going down after 9 hours of bed rest. They recommend delivery, and I have two options 1. vaginal or 2. cesarean. If I opted for a vaginal delivery they would have to try to manipulate the baby with their hands to get him in the right position, (he had his feet down) with no guarantee that he would stay that way, because I would be induced it could be anywhere from 3-5 days before I actually gave birth. Keep in mind we have no idea what any of this will do to my blood pressure, or how the baby will handle that kind of stress. If I opt for a cesarean delivery I would have to deal with a 6 week recovery period, surgery and trusting someone to cut into my stomach, and everything else that comes with a major surgery.

I call my husband as soon as the Dr's leave my room and tell him he needs to come to the hospital now. I'm emotional, he's levelheaded and takes charge, finding someone to stay with the kids and planning ahead. He gets to the hospital around 12:30 on Wednesday February 19th. He and I talk for a little bit and then the Dr's come in to explain things to my husband. He and I talk things over and pray about our options. This is not something we wanted to decide on a whim. Not only was there my health to think about, but the health of our baby. We decide to move forward with a cesarean delivery, and at 3:30am I am wheeled back for them to start.

February 15, 2014

set up for success

Lately I have been listening to and reading books about communicating and relationships. One idea that has come up and stuck with me is setting someone up for success.

For instance, am I setting my husband up for success when I leave hints about what I want instead of coming right out and telling him? No, that's expecting him to understand my hints and hoping that he will decipher them correctly.

Am I setting my children up for success when I force my expectations on them? This last week I had an epiphany concerning the bookshelf in my daughter's room. I had been telling them over and over to have the books standing up, all facing the same way, etc. (I blame the fact that I work at a bookstore.) Well it is hard for a 4 and 6 year old to hold the books up with one hand and put books away with the other hand. I realized that I was only setting them up to fail because I wasn't putting myself in their shoes. So I talked to them about it and we decided that as long as the books are on the bookshelf, I don't care. (I'm still working on that last part.)

Am I setting myself up for success when I make my to-do list so impossibly long that there is no physical way to accomplish everything in a 24 hour period? That is of course leaving no time for any "me" time, sleep or anything remotely relaxing. I'm only setting myself up to be frustrated with myself and then taking that out on the rest of my family. That's not fair to me or them.

What I have learned, and am still learning, is that I need to be more understanding. Maybe my expectations need to be lowered so that they're more attainable. No one is perfect, why do I expect my husband and kids to be? Who is making my to-do list? Me, so why do I get so frustrated when I don't get the entire house cleaned up in one day. Does it matter if the floor isn't swept when visitors come over? No, and if it bothers them, then they need to learn to relax.

I cannot live my life trying to please everyone. First and foremost I need to make sure that I have balance in my life. If I personally am all over the place I can't possibly hope to help my family grow. Once I find personal balance then I can reach out to my husband and help him in what he needs, and my kids, and then friends and extended family. That isn't saying that I neglect those that I love and care about until I'm taken care of, but realizing that I need to take time for myself. It's not selfish, it's for the good of the family and anyone else I come in contact. When I am a better person, I am better able to care for and help others.

February 3, 2014

introspection

There are some things in life you just won't be 100% prepared for.

Public speaking, moving to a new place, marriage, driving in a new city, a new job, a new baby...just to name a few. My point is that no matter how much you read, practice, study, or research, something unexpected will come up.

When I first spoke in public I was terrified, I'm pretty sure I sped through my speech and thought I was going to throw up. Moving to a new place is always an anxiety causing experience for me. Marriage has been an eye opening experience, to go from being selfish and only thinking about me to wanting and needing to think about someone else. Driving in a new city you start by following the posted speed limit...until you realize that everyone else is going at least 10 mph faster than you. New jobs are always exciting, that is until you realize someone else on the team applied for the position you now have. And then there's the baby...

I started going through all the baby clothes we've received tonight. And it hit me, in not too long of a time I will have given birth and have a baby. A little boy who is completely reliant on myself and my husband for everything. He won't be able to feed, bathe, clothe, change, or even roll himself over for some time. It also struck me how much my Heavenly Father trusts me to allow this little baby boy to come into my life. He trusts me to take care of him and teach him what he needs to know to succeed in life. I pray that I will live up to that trust, that both my Heavenly Father and my little boy are looking down on me with smiles on their faces.

I am far from perfect, when thinking about this new chapter of my life I am even more aware of my inadequacies. But I know that with the Lord's help I will be successful and be able to do the things that matter. I will be able to look at a situation and determine what is good, better, and best and then go do what is best. I know that I will have off days, and then I'll wake up the next morning and try to do better.

Babies don't come with an owners manual. Marriages don't come with a "what-not-to-do list". Everything we do in life is a series of choices, and the consequences of those choices. Life is a series of tests, trials and learning experiences. I can choose to learn from the rough days, or I can choose to allow them to drag me down into thinking I'll never be a good person. There is no way to be completely ready for any situation. The important thing is our attitude about it and how we handle what curve-balls are thrown at us.

January 24, 2014

vacation? what's that?

Last week I took the kids with me to Spokane, WA to visit my parents. They hadn't been to their house before and I wanted them to be able to spend some time with them. Luckily Matt was eager for some time to focus on work without the distraction of 3 kids running around. :) It was a good trip, the kids did a great job in the car. We got to my parents and they had a blast. They got to stay up later than usual, eat food they don't normally get to eat, play with toys, and be louder than normal. They got to spend time with their cousins, which they absolutely loved. The ride back was great as well, they got to watch 2 movies, listened to an audio book and eat snacks.

Me on the other hand...I was stressing about making sure they didn't get into things at my parents house, that they behaved, and that people would think I am a good parent. (When let's face it, does it really matter what other people think?) By the last night I was exhausted, and eager to be back at work. I missed my husband and the comfort of being at home.

It just goes to show that Dorothy was right, there is no place like home. :)

  
This is me with 9 weeks to go. Today is Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day, I have a nephew who has Moebius Syndrome, and purple is the color to show support!
Needless to say, today was a good day. I went to work, got lots done (even though I'll be working tonight), had pizza for dinner and watched a movie with the family. I even showed my support for my nephew Jake who has Moebius Syndrome!

To learn more about Moebius Syndrome you can go to: http://www.moebiussyndrome.com/

December 31, 2013

cold meals

Since taking the plunge into motherhood I have come to appreciate my own mom so much more. She raised 7 kids, I don't remember ever hearing her complain or grumble about how much time each child took or how little "me" time she got.

She selflessly made meals for 9 people, knowing that some of us wouldn't like it and would complain about it. She did laundry, cleaned the house, went grocery shopping, taught us, gave us baths and so much more. Somehow she still found the time to bake bread and cookies and other non essentials. Then after having some of her children marry and move out (I'm sure she celebrated a little bit) some of them moved back in, this time, with their own children. I have come back to my parents home after moving out, this has happened during times of great need and trial in my life. Never once during that time did my parents make me feel unwanted or unloved. All they wanted was for me to learn the lesson I needed to learn at that time, sometimes this took a while.

Sadly enough, I am not nearly as selfless as my mom. I grumble, sometimes I complain, I occasionally yell, and sometimes I wish I had a lot more "me" time. Many nights all I want is to eat a hot meal, without the kids constantly asking for something. All too often I take my frustrations with work or other things out on my family. Why do I do that? Why is it okay for me to yell at my kids because work didn't go as smoothly as I would have liked? Well, it's not. I am constantly reminded that I need to do better.

One thing I want to work on during 2014 is to strengthen my relationship with my kids and my husband. To be more patient and understanding with them. To not have unrealistic expectations for them. Along with that, I need to be more patient with myself. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be in this life. I make mistakes, my kids make mistakes, and that is okay. Now for the goal of eating a hot meal. :)

December 25, 2013

merry christmas from the veil family


I realize it is Christmas day today, and I'm just now writing my Christmas letter. At least it's not the day after Christmas. :)

Eva: Is a 4 year old bundle of energy. She loves to help any way that she can, especially in the kitchen. She loves to play dress up and be a princess, but she does not like having things in her hair and ends up pulling them out by dinner time. She likes to spend time with Daddy in the garage, swing on the play set, sing Primary songs and play with anything princess related. She loves going to Primary on Sundays and is looking forward to going to school like her older siblings. We're looking forward to teaching her the ABC's and helping her recognize the letters. :)

Emma: At 6 years old, she is too smart for her own good. She loves going to kindergarten and has an amazing memory for songs and rhymes. She comes home singing the songs they've learned for the different letters and colors. She is becoming more independent, but loves to spend time with the family. She is very inquisitive and is always asking questions. Emma also loves to sing Primary songs, usually when she's using the bathroom. We're going to be working on reading and sharing more. :)

Jack: He has had a lot of awesome things happen this year. He was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in August, started cub-scouts, made new friends at his new school and is looking forward to turning 9 in January. He is in the 3rd grade and excels at reading. He loves Pokemon and Ninjago. He tends to like to play by himself since his sisters are into princesses and dress-up. He likes to ride his bike, play outside and spend time with Daddy.

Matt: Has been amazingly busy with work. His company has really grown over the past 6 months. He is excited for the new year to hire new people and implement all the different processes and operations. In his spare time he likes to barbecue, work in the yard, exercise, and experiment in the kitchen. (He is actually a really good cook.)

Katie: Has also been amazingly busy with work. I am now 6 months pregnant, due on March 29th, 2014. I am excited and apprehensive. I am looking forward to the new year so that I can go through the mounds of baby stuff I have received from my sister. In what little spare time I have I like to read, crochet and eat chocolate. (I have to be pretty quick about the last one, if I'm too slow Matt eats it.) I have struggled this year with patience between work and home. There have been a lot of changes that have come my way this year, I'd like to think that I've handled them with grace. Matt and the kids have been so supportive and encouraging. The kids are very patient with me when I act less than loving towards them.

2014 will be a big year for us. We're looking forward to many things, including; a new addition to our family in March, purchasing a van (YAY!), big things happening with the business, Katie being at home more, being sealed as a family in the Portland Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Adam Veil coming home from his mission in Bogota, Colombia and so much more. All of that will be happening in the first 6 months of the year. Somewhere in there we might slow down a little, but not often. We are a busy family who struggles with all the normal things. Above all though we love each other and have fun.

We share with each of you our belief in Jesus Christ as our Savior and Redeemer. Our knowledge that families can be together forever, that each of us can be saved through the Atonement of our elder brother, Jesus Christ. May you all draw closer to your family members and Christ at this time of year, and remember him at all times.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

December 8, 2013

10 lessons learned...from McDonalds?

Around 3 weeks ago I was sitting on the couch at church and overheard a young man say that he worked at Burger King as a "burger flipper". The man he was talking to said, "Well it's a job." I piped up and said, "There's nothing wrong with being a 'burger flipper', I worked at McDonald's for 5 years and loved it." The look I received wasn't very appreciative. :)

I've thought about that a lot since then. What, exactly, is so wrong with working at McDonald's or another fast food establishment? People look down on it because it's not a job that requires a degree, or the fact that they think "they hire anyone" or...well who knows.

I started working at McDonald's during my senior year of High School because I needed a way to pay for car insurance and gas. I thought I would work the year after I graduated and then go to school. Well, I was offered a management position and stuck with it. I became a shift manager, assistant manager, and finally store manager. I was able to go to 5 separate training classes that went over a multitude of subjects ranging from how to manage people to how to offer the best customer service.

I think everyone should experience a customer service related job at some point in their life, and here's why;

1. I learned how to work hard. I cleaned toilets, mopped floors, emptied garbage's, dealt with rude customers, cleaned up after their messy kids and many, many other things. 
2. I learned how to handle difficult situations. I had people swear at me because we charged $0.10 for extra sauce, people that threw their sandwiches at me because we had forgotten to take the pickles off, I had employees who showed up late and didn't want to work as hard as everyone else.
3. I learned to be respectful of others. I absolutely hated cleaning up after messy customers. I vowed after working at McDonald's that I would never make someone's job more difficult.
4. I learned that my job doesn't revolve around me. It is not my employer's job to work around my schedule. I receive my schedule from work and plan other things around that.
5. I learned that parent's need to cut the umbilical cord and let their teen's be responsible. Many times when I was a manager I would have to explain to a parent that I didn't employ them, I employ their child. I don't have to communicate with them or get their permission. Parent's should not make excuses for their children, especially once they hit their teens.
6. I learned to focus and get the job done. If I am at work, I am there to work. I'm not there to socialize or loaf around. If I wanted to do that, I wouldn't have a job.
7. I learned to take pride in what I accomplished. There is nothing wrong with looking at something you've done and being excited and wanting to share it with those close to you. This motivates and pushes people forward.
8. I learned to look for the positive. Everyone has difficulties. What matters is how we handle it. Sometimes we don't have any control over what happens to us, but what we do have control over is our attitude and how we respond to our situation. Me being negative because I ran into traffic on my way to work is not going to change that fact, nor is it going to help anyone else around me be in a good mood.
9. I learned that I have an impact. Whether it's on those around me or on my situation, I can make a difference.
10. I learned that there is more to life than a paycheck. I quit McDonald's because I had reached my highest potential there. I needed to leave to move forward personally. Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions to better ourselves.

I believe these lessons can be learned from any job, but especially a food service or a retail position. Those tend to get some of the best and worst customers.

So the next time someone says they work at McDonald's, or Burger King, or WalMart, don't make them feel bad about it.

November 19, 2013

a "universal truth" about motherhood?

I have talked to many mom's in my lifetime. One thing I've learned since I have become a mom to 3 beautiful, rowdy, crazy kids is that most mom's feel inadequate and that they could do more.

Almost always I hear, "You are so amazing to fill that role for them. You are making a difference in their lives." Or something along those lines. When I hear that I am thinking, "You didn't hear me this morning when I was frustrated because they weren't eating fast enough." or "When I yelled at Eva because she was crying while I did her hair." or possibly "I just hope I'm not causing more damage." I don't feel amazing...and I think that's okay. Yes I know that I did something that doesn't happen very often. I married a single dad of 3 kids, and guess what, we have them full time. I went from being single and having all the time in the world to waking up to get Jack to school, to spending a day doing laundry and cleaning house, to grocery shopping for 5 people instead of 1. I didn't do it to be amazing. I did it because I love their father, and then I grew to love them.

My point is that we all feel inadequate or lacking at some point. Instead of focusing on the negative, let us take a moment and remember the good we do.
1. I read the kids a bed time story...without losing my temper.
2. I tucked the girls into bed when I got home from work late.
3. We watched a movie together.
4. I apologized when I got upset, teaching them that everyone is wrong at some point.
5. We made cookies today.
6. I let Eva help me clean the house.

See what I mean? We spend so much time focusing on what we're not doing (this could be related to parenting, work, social, service...whatever) that we forget the good that we do. Lighten up! The world is not going to end because the laundry didn't get folded and put away the same day it was washed. (Which is good because I have had two loads of laundry sitting on my couch for a week.) It is okay for the floors to be dirty. And yes, it's okay for the kids to play in the dirt.

Since getting married earlier this year and filling the role of mom for Jack, Emma and Eva I have talked to my mom many times. She has shared with me that she felt inadequate all the time and wondered if she was doing okay as a mom. When she told me this I couldn't help but think, "My mom is amazing. How could she possibly have felt inadequate. She raised 7 kids almost single-handedly so my dad could work full time to support all of us. She made sure we got to school and had clean clothes and that we had food to eat. She used to judge mud pies that my younger brother and I would make." My point is that your kids won't remember the things you don't do. But they will remember when you stopped doing the dishes to give them a hug when they fell. They will remember when you let them make cookies with you, even though it took twice as long.

On that note...I'm going to make brownies. :)