Since taking the plunge into motherhood I have come to appreciate my own mom so much more. She raised 7 kids, I don't remember ever hearing her complain or grumble about how much time each child took or how little "me" time she got.
She selflessly made meals for 9 people, knowing that some of us wouldn't like it and would complain about it. She did laundry, cleaned the house, went grocery shopping, taught us, gave us baths and so much more. Somehow she still found the time to bake bread and cookies and other non essentials. Then after having some of her children marry and move out (I'm sure she celebrated a little bit) some of them moved back in, this time, with their own children. I have come back to my parents home after moving out, this has happened during times of great need and trial in my life. Never once during that time did my parents make me feel unwanted or unloved. All they wanted was for me to learn the lesson I needed to learn at that time, sometimes this took a while.
Sadly enough, I am not nearly as selfless as my mom. I grumble, sometimes I complain, I occasionally yell, and sometimes I wish I had a lot more "me" time. Many nights all I want is to eat a hot meal, without the kids constantly asking for something. All too often I take my frustrations with work or other things out on my family. Why do I do that? Why is it okay for me to yell at my kids because work didn't go as smoothly as I would have liked? Well, it's not. I am constantly reminded that I need to do better.
One thing I want to work on during 2014 is to strengthen my relationship with my kids and my husband. To be more patient and understanding with them. To not have unrealistic expectations for them. Along with that, I need to be more patient with myself. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be in this life. I make mistakes, my kids make mistakes, and that is okay. Now for the goal of eating a hot meal. :)
December 31, 2013
December 25, 2013
merry christmas from the veil family
I realize it is Christmas day today, and I'm just now writing my Christmas letter. At least it's not the day after Christmas. :)
Eva: Is a 4 year old bundle of energy. She loves to help any way that she can, especially in the kitchen. She loves to play dress up and be a princess, but she does not like having things in her hair and ends up pulling them out by dinner time. She likes to spend time with Daddy in the garage, swing on the play set, sing Primary songs and play with anything princess related. She loves going to Primary on Sundays and is looking forward to going to school like her older siblings. We're looking forward to teaching her the ABC's and helping her recognize the letters. :)
Emma: At 6 years old, she is too smart for her own good. She loves going to kindergarten and has an amazing memory for songs and rhymes. She comes home singing the songs they've learned for the different letters and colors. She is becoming more independent, but loves to spend time with the family. She is very inquisitive and is always asking questions. Emma also loves to sing Primary songs, usually when she's using the bathroom. We're going to be working on reading and sharing more. :)
Jack: He has had a lot of awesome things happen this year. He was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in August, started cub-scouts, made new friends at his new school and is looking forward to turning 9 in January. He is in the 3rd grade and excels at reading. He loves Pokemon and Ninjago. He tends to like to play by himself since his sisters are into princesses and dress-up. He likes to ride his bike, play outside and spend time with Daddy.
Matt: Has been amazingly busy with work. His company has really grown over the past 6 months. He is excited for the new year to hire new people and implement all the different processes and operations. In his spare time he likes to barbecue, work in the yard, exercise, and experiment in the kitchen. (He is actually a really good cook.)
Katie: Has also been amazingly busy with work. I am now 6 months pregnant, due on March 29th, 2014. I am excited and apprehensive. I am looking forward to the new year so that I can go through the mounds of baby stuff I have received from my sister. In what little spare time I have I like to read, crochet and eat chocolate. (I have to be pretty quick about the last one, if I'm too slow Matt eats it.) I have struggled this year with patience between work and home. There have been a lot of changes that have come my way this year, I'd like to think that I've handled them with grace. Matt and the kids have been so supportive and encouraging. The kids are very patient with me when I act less than loving towards them.
2014 will be a big year for us. We're looking forward to many things, including; a new addition to our family in March, purchasing a van (YAY!), big things happening with the business, Katie being at home more, being sealed as a family in the Portland Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Adam Veil coming home from his mission in Bogota, Colombia and so much more. All of that will be happening in the first 6 months of the year. Somewhere in there we might slow down a little, but not often. We are a busy family who struggles with all the normal things. Above all though we love each other and have fun.
We share with each of you our belief in Jesus Christ as our Savior and Redeemer. Our knowledge that families can be together forever, that each of us can be saved through the Atonement of our elder brother, Jesus Christ. May you all draw closer to your family members and Christ at this time of year, and remember him at all times.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
December 8, 2013
10 lessons learned...from McDonalds?
Around 3 weeks ago I was sitting on the couch at church and overheard a young man say that he worked at Burger King as a "burger flipper". The man he was talking to said, "Well it's a job." I piped up and said, "There's nothing wrong with being a 'burger flipper', I worked at McDonald's for 5 years and loved it." The look I received wasn't very appreciative. :)
I've thought about that a lot since then. What, exactly, is so wrong with working at McDonald's or another fast food establishment? People look down on it because it's not a job that requires a degree, or the fact that they think "they hire anyone" or...well who knows.
I started working at McDonald's during my senior year of High School because I needed a way to pay for car insurance and gas. I thought I would work the year after I graduated and then go to school. Well, I was offered a management position and stuck with it. I became a shift manager, assistant manager, and finally store manager. I was able to go to 5 separate training classes that went over a multitude of subjects ranging from how to manage people to how to offer the best customer service.
I think everyone should experience a customer service related job at some point in their life, and here's why;
1. I learned how to work hard. I cleaned toilets, mopped floors, emptied garbage's, dealt with rude customers, cleaned up after their messy kids and many, many other things.
2. I learned how to handle difficult situations. I had people swear at me because we charged $0.10 for extra sauce, people that threw their sandwiches at me because we had forgotten to take the pickles off, I had employees who showed up late and didn't want to work as hard as everyone else.
3. I learned to be respectful of others. I absolutely hated cleaning up after messy customers. I vowed after working at McDonald's that I would never make someone's job more difficult.
4. I learned that my job doesn't revolve around me. It is not my employer's job to work around my schedule. I receive my schedule from work and plan other things around that.
5. I learned that parent's need to cut the umbilical cord and let their teen's be responsible. Many times when I was a manager I would have to explain to a parent that I didn't employ them, I employ their child. I don't have to communicate with them or get their permission. Parent's should not make excuses for their children, especially once they hit their teens.
6. I learned to focus and get the job done. If I am at work, I am there to work. I'm not there to socialize or loaf around. If I wanted to do that, I wouldn't have a job.
7. I learned to take pride in what I accomplished. There is nothing wrong with looking at something you've done and being excited and wanting to share it with those close to you. This motivates and pushes people forward.
8. I learned to look for the positive. Everyone has difficulties. What matters is how we handle it. Sometimes we don't have any control over what happens to us, but what we do have control over is our attitude and how we respond to our situation. Me being negative because I ran into traffic on my way to work is not going to change that fact, nor is it going to help anyone else around me be in a good mood.
9. I learned that I have an impact. Whether it's on those around me or on my situation, I can make a difference.
10. I learned that there is more to life than a paycheck. I quit McDonald's because I had reached my highest potential there. I needed to leave to move forward personally. Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions to better ourselves.
I believe these lessons can be learned from any job, but especially a food service or a retail position. Those tend to get some of the best and worst customers.
So the next time someone says they work at McDonald's, or Burger King, or WalMart, don't make them feel bad about it.
I've thought about that a lot since then. What, exactly, is so wrong with working at McDonald's or another fast food establishment? People look down on it because it's not a job that requires a degree, or the fact that they think "they hire anyone" or...well who knows.
I started working at McDonald's during my senior year of High School because I needed a way to pay for car insurance and gas. I thought I would work the year after I graduated and then go to school. Well, I was offered a management position and stuck with it. I became a shift manager, assistant manager, and finally store manager. I was able to go to 5 separate training classes that went over a multitude of subjects ranging from how to manage people to how to offer the best customer service.
I think everyone should experience a customer service related job at some point in their life, and here's why;
1. I learned how to work hard. I cleaned toilets, mopped floors, emptied garbage's, dealt with rude customers, cleaned up after their messy kids and many, many other things.
2. I learned how to handle difficult situations. I had people swear at me because we charged $0.10 for extra sauce, people that threw their sandwiches at me because we had forgotten to take the pickles off, I had employees who showed up late and didn't want to work as hard as everyone else.
3. I learned to be respectful of others. I absolutely hated cleaning up after messy customers. I vowed after working at McDonald's that I would never make someone's job more difficult.
4. I learned that my job doesn't revolve around me. It is not my employer's job to work around my schedule. I receive my schedule from work and plan other things around that.
5. I learned that parent's need to cut the umbilical cord and let their teen's be responsible. Many times when I was a manager I would have to explain to a parent that I didn't employ them, I employ their child. I don't have to communicate with them or get their permission. Parent's should not make excuses for their children, especially once they hit their teens.
6. I learned to focus and get the job done. If I am at work, I am there to work. I'm not there to socialize or loaf around. If I wanted to do that, I wouldn't have a job.
7. I learned to take pride in what I accomplished. There is nothing wrong with looking at something you've done and being excited and wanting to share it with those close to you. This motivates and pushes people forward.
8. I learned to look for the positive. Everyone has difficulties. What matters is how we handle it. Sometimes we don't have any control over what happens to us, but what we do have control over is our attitude and how we respond to our situation. Me being negative because I ran into traffic on my way to work is not going to change that fact, nor is it going to help anyone else around me be in a good mood.
9. I learned that I have an impact. Whether it's on those around me or on my situation, I can make a difference.
10. I learned that there is more to life than a paycheck. I quit McDonald's because I had reached my highest potential there. I needed to leave to move forward personally. Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions to better ourselves.
I believe these lessons can be learned from any job, but especially a food service or a retail position. Those tend to get some of the best and worst customers.
So the next time someone says they work at McDonald's, or Burger King, or WalMart, don't make them feel bad about it.
November 19, 2013
a "universal truth" about motherhood?
I have talked to many mom's in my lifetime. One thing I've learned since I have become a mom to 3 beautiful, rowdy, crazy kids is that most mom's feel inadequate and that they could do more.
Almost always I hear, "You are so amazing to fill that role for them. You are making a difference in their lives." Or something along those lines. When I hear that I am thinking, "You didn't hear me this morning when I was frustrated because they weren't eating fast enough." or "When I yelled at Eva because she was crying while I did her hair." or possibly "I just hope I'm not causing more damage." I don't feel amazing...and I think that's okay. Yes I know that I did something that doesn't happen very often. I married a single dad of 3 kids, and guess what, we have them full time. I went from being single and having all the time in the world to waking up to get Jack to school, to spending a day doing laundry and cleaning house, to grocery shopping for 5 people instead of 1. I didn't do it to be amazing. I did it because I love their father, and then I grew to love them.
My point is that we all feel inadequate or lacking at some point. Instead of focusing on the negative, let us take a moment and remember the good we do.
1. I read the kids a bed time story...without losing my temper.
2. I tucked the girls into bed when I got home from work late.
3. We watched a movie together.
4. I apologized when I got upset, teaching them that everyone is wrong at some point.
5. We made cookies today.
6. I let Eva help me clean the house.
See what I mean? We spend so much time focusing on what we're not doing (this could be related to parenting, work, social, service...whatever) that we forget the good that we do. Lighten up! The world is not going to end because the laundry didn't get folded and put away the same day it was washed. (Which is good because I have had two loads of laundry sitting on my couch for a week.) It is okay for the floors to be dirty. And yes, it's okay for the kids to play in the dirt.
Since getting married earlier this year and filling the role of mom for Jack, Emma and Eva I have talked to my mom many times. She has shared with me that she felt inadequate all the time and wondered if she was doing okay as a mom. When she told me this I couldn't help but think, "My mom is amazing. How could she possibly have felt inadequate. She raised 7 kids almost single-handedly so my dad could work full time to support all of us. She made sure we got to school and had clean clothes and that we had food to eat. She used to judge mud pies that my younger brother and I would make." My point is that your kids won't remember the things you don't do. But they will remember when you stopped doing the dishes to give them a hug when they fell. They will remember when you let them make cookies with you, even though it took twice as long.
On that note...I'm going to make brownies. :)
Almost always I hear, "You are so amazing to fill that role for them. You are making a difference in their lives." Or something along those lines. When I hear that I am thinking, "You didn't hear me this morning when I was frustrated because they weren't eating fast enough." or "When I yelled at Eva because she was crying while I did her hair." or possibly "I just hope I'm not causing more damage." I don't feel amazing...and I think that's okay. Yes I know that I did something that doesn't happen very often. I married a single dad of 3 kids, and guess what, we have them full time. I went from being single and having all the time in the world to waking up to get Jack to school, to spending a day doing laundry and cleaning house, to grocery shopping for 5 people instead of 1. I didn't do it to be amazing. I did it because I love their father, and then I grew to love them.
My point is that we all feel inadequate or lacking at some point. Instead of focusing on the negative, let us take a moment and remember the good we do.
1. I read the kids a bed time story...without losing my temper.
2. I tucked the girls into bed when I got home from work late.
3. We watched a movie together.
4. I apologized when I got upset, teaching them that everyone is wrong at some point.
5. We made cookies today.
6. I let Eva help me clean the house.
See what I mean? We spend so much time focusing on what we're not doing (this could be related to parenting, work, social, service...whatever) that we forget the good that we do. Lighten up! The world is not going to end because the laundry didn't get folded and put away the same day it was washed. (Which is good because I have had two loads of laundry sitting on my couch for a week.) It is okay for the floors to be dirty. And yes, it's okay for the kids to play in the dirt.
Since getting married earlier this year and filling the role of mom for Jack, Emma and Eva I have talked to my mom many times. She has shared with me that she felt inadequate all the time and wondered if she was doing okay as a mom. When she told me this I couldn't help but think, "My mom is amazing. How could she possibly have felt inadequate. She raised 7 kids almost single-handedly so my dad could work full time to support all of us. She made sure we got to school and had clean clothes and that we had food to eat. She used to judge mud pies that my younger brother and I would make." My point is that your kids won't remember the things you don't do. But they will remember when you stopped doing the dishes to give them a hug when they fell. They will remember when you let them make cookies with you, even though it took twice as long.
On that note...I'm going to make brownies. :)
October 30, 2013
holiday traditions
I can't believe how quickly the year has gone by. October is almost over and then before we know it, Christmas will be here and we'll be celebrating a new year. This is mine and Matt's first holiday season together. I at least, am excited to start our own traditions and rituals with our kids. Christmas is my favorite time of year, I love the songs, smells, food, having family around, the meaning, giving gifts...it's a wonderful time of year.
What are some of your families traditions for holidays throughout the year? New Years, 4th of July, Birthdays...you name it. I am waiting for your ideas. :)
What are some of your families traditions for holidays throughout the year? New Years, 4th of July, Birthdays...you name it. I am waiting for your ideas. :)
October 29, 2013
when you wish upon a star
I mentioned in my last post that I have been reading more blogs on various topics. One of them I first noticed on Facebook, some of my friends kept liking his posts, and after reading a few of them I started following his page. He has written some amazing things about Stay-at-home Moms, Obamacare, Deadbeat Dads as well as other things. (Those are all titles he uses, you can find him at The Matt Walsh Blog)
The link below is his Happy Anniversary wish to his wife of two years. What I love about it is what he says at the end, that his wife has been completely supportive of him and encouraged him in his endeavors and dreams. Everyone needs this! Whether you're a man or a woman. My husband is starting a business, that is scary. There's no guarantee of a paycheck when you own your own business, sales fluctuate, the economy effects it like crazy, but I am not scared because I trust my husband, and I know that he is talented and hardworking and will do what it takes to support our family. I want to be supported, so why wouldn't my husband? my kids? my employees? my sibling and parents? No one wants to have their dreams shot down, no one wants to be told they can't do something.
Matt Walsh Blog
This post is for the dreamers; you can do it! Whatever IT is, you can do it. If you put your mind to it, you can do anything.
This post is also for the naysayers; you can do it! You can change, and reach for your dreams. You can learn to be supportive of others in their dreams.
The link below is his Happy Anniversary wish to his wife of two years. What I love about it is what he says at the end, that his wife has been completely supportive of him and encouraged him in his endeavors and dreams. Everyone needs this! Whether you're a man or a woman. My husband is starting a business, that is scary. There's no guarantee of a paycheck when you own your own business, sales fluctuate, the economy effects it like crazy, but I am not scared because I trust my husband, and I know that he is talented and hardworking and will do what it takes to support our family. I want to be supported, so why wouldn't my husband? my kids? my employees? my sibling and parents? No one wants to have their dreams shot down, no one wants to be told they can't do something.
Matt Walsh Blog
This post is for the dreamers; you can do it! Whatever IT is, you can do it. If you put your mind to it, you can do anything.
This post is also for the naysayers; you can do it! You can change, and reach for your dreams. You can learn to be supportive of others in their dreams.
October 26, 2013
moments that matter most
I've been reading a lot more blogs lately. Various themes and messages come from them, some of them rub me the wrong way while others I agree with 100%. These have started me thinking what exactly I'm aiming for with my blog. What is the purpose? Am I doing writing it as a journal - which is kind of what it's been for the last little while - or do I want it to have a bigger purpose?
I would love for someone to read my blog and think, "I am going through that right now!" or, "I never thought of it that way." or maybe, "Well I know I don't want to do what she does!" I think deep down I want to make an impact with my words. I think we all have that ambition, to change lives and help other people in some way.
As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I lead a somewhat sheltered life. Growing up I was not exposed to swear words (until I got to middle school), my parents rarely fought (that I remember), I had both parents present in the home and we had a fairly close family despite having 7 kids spanning 18 years, I had friends who were also members of the LDS church and who believed the same things, we did not watch rated R movies and didn't even have the internet until I was in middle school. Back then pornography was not a worry like it is now (you had to really look for it then) I didn't even know what marijuana smelled like until I was a senior in high school. Now that I have grown and experienced the world in some ways I see both the good and bad in my upbringing.
Don't get me wrong, this is not a "rail against my parents" type of post, I love and admire my parents and I have had conversations with them as to what I wish they would have done. I guess my point is that we experience things and then we learn from them. If we don't learn from them, then the whole experience was wasted. There is ALWAYS something to learn.
From my experiences I know what drugs and alcohol do to the body, and I know the signs of them, my kids will be able to get away with very little because of that. I have seen both sides, living in a very active LDS environment, and the complete opposite of living in a house where the occupants do drugs on a daily basis. I know that swearing has a spiritual impact on those that hear and say it, for this reason I will not tolerate my children using such language. I learned how to work as a child; whether it was through dishes, helping with dinner, vacuuming, or cooking; my parents made sure their kids contributed to the family. That is something I will pass down to my children. I learned respect, one time I talked back to my mom...well my dad heard, and I learned quickly that that type of behavior would not be tolerated.
The experiences I'm having now are harder. Saying your going to do something and actually doing it are two different things. Especially when it comes to raising kids and marriage. I think we all have a "picture-perfect" family in mind (at least I did). I will be honest and admit that my family does not fit what I had in mind when I was 16. That is okay, I have grown as a person and my idea of the "perfect" man is nowhere what it used to be. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband who cares for and provides for his family. He helps around the house, he cleans, sweeps, does laundry, goes shopping and anything else that needs done. Our kids are amazing; they are smart, funny, loving, forgiving, patient, helpful and so much else.
I guess I'd like to challenge whoever reads this to think about what they can learn from the day to day experiences they have. To look for the positive in whatever situation you're in. To be more loving and kind to those that we love, since that is usually who we are the harshest towards. The world is full of good people, we just need them as individuals to realize they are good people, and the impact that a kind word can have.
I would love for someone to read my blog and think, "I am going through that right now!" or, "I never thought of it that way." or maybe, "Well I know I don't want to do what she does!" I think deep down I want to make an impact with my words. I think we all have that ambition, to change lives and help other people in some way.
As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I lead a somewhat sheltered life. Growing up I was not exposed to swear words (until I got to middle school), my parents rarely fought (that I remember), I had both parents present in the home and we had a fairly close family despite having 7 kids spanning 18 years, I had friends who were also members of the LDS church and who believed the same things, we did not watch rated R movies and didn't even have the internet until I was in middle school. Back then pornography was not a worry like it is now (you had to really look for it then) I didn't even know what marijuana smelled like until I was a senior in high school. Now that I have grown and experienced the world in some ways I see both the good and bad in my upbringing.
Don't get me wrong, this is not a "rail against my parents" type of post, I love and admire my parents and I have had conversations with them as to what I wish they would have done. I guess my point is that we experience things and then we learn from them. If we don't learn from them, then the whole experience was wasted. There is ALWAYS something to learn.
From my experiences I know what drugs and alcohol do to the body, and I know the signs of them, my kids will be able to get away with very little because of that. I have seen both sides, living in a very active LDS environment, and the complete opposite of living in a house where the occupants do drugs on a daily basis. I know that swearing has a spiritual impact on those that hear and say it, for this reason I will not tolerate my children using such language. I learned how to work as a child; whether it was through dishes, helping with dinner, vacuuming, or cooking; my parents made sure their kids contributed to the family. That is something I will pass down to my children. I learned respect, one time I talked back to my mom...well my dad heard, and I learned quickly that that type of behavior would not be tolerated.
The experiences I'm having now are harder. Saying your going to do something and actually doing it are two different things. Especially when it comes to raising kids and marriage. I think we all have a "picture-perfect" family in mind (at least I did). I will be honest and admit that my family does not fit what I had in mind when I was 16. That is okay, I have grown as a person and my idea of the "perfect" man is nowhere what it used to be. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband who cares for and provides for his family. He helps around the house, he cleans, sweeps, does laundry, goes shopping and anything else that needs done. Our kids are amazing; they are smart, funny, loving, forgiving, patient, helpful and so much else.
I guess I'd like to challenge whoever reads this to think about what they can learn from the day to day experiences they have. To look for the positive in whatever situation you're in. To be more loving and kind to those that we love, since that is usually who we are the harshest towards. The world is full of good people, we just need them as individuals to realize they are good people, and the impact that a kind word can have.
October 4, 2013
baby picture :)
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| One of my favorite pictures from the ultrasound. :) |
Come to find out that I am 15 weeks along, a week longer than I had thought. My due date, according to the doctor's, is March 29th.
Now on to the rest of life...where to start though.
Last week I was in Park City, UT for a Manager's Conference for work. It was great, I learned a lot and got some great information to pass on to my team. My boss(es) are coming to visit my store in a week, that will be interesting. Christmas is coming, as it usually does at this time of year in retail. I spent my day today putting out and organizing Christmas product. We are getting ready for Ladies Night tomorrow night, which is a crazy night. We're trying to figure out how to fit all of the product we have received onto our sales floor and in our back room.
Matt's business is doing well. He has worked a lot on networking with local businesses. Not only businesses though, he's reached out to several County's in the area as well as various organizations. He is doing a great job and loves what he does. Sometimes a little too much, I occasionally remind him that I need attention too. :) He has been amazingly helpful around the house since I've gotten pregnant; laundry, dishes, dinner, vacuuming...he helps with it all.
The kids are doing well, all things considered. I am continually amazed at how resilient they are, with everything they have come up against in their short lives.
Jack enjoys school, he's so smart and sometimes has a hard time focusing because he knows it already. I'm trying to show him how fun reading can be, right now he's working on "Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator" by Roald Dahl. He likes it when I read to them, I'm encouraging them all (but him especially) to use their imaginations when I read.
Emma LOVES school. She cracks me up with the different things she says. The other day I dropped her off at school, she gave me a hug and said, "Bye Mom!" then looked at my stomach and said, "Bye baby!" I showed them the ultrasound pictures today, she was asking all sorts of questions...hopefully I didn't confuse or cause any damage. ;) I guess we'll know if her teacher sends a note home mentioning something...
Eva loves to be my shadow. She would follow me around all day if I let her. She is almost always happy. (I say almost because she gets frustrated...with things that seem little to me.) She LOVES to dance, I'll put on music and she will move her body in ways that I didn't know until I was a teenager. I have no idea where she learned it. It's kind of amusing.
All in all our little family is doing well. We have our struggles, our breakdowns, and our crazy moments...but we love each other. We laugh, pray, eat good food, play and get on each other's nerves.
October 2, 2013
baby bump
I know this isn't the best picture to show it, but I felt like it was EXTREMELY noticeable. We have our first ultrasound tomorrow, I'm very excited to hear the heartbeat. :)
September 10, 2013
rollercoaster ride...and news
Time has gotten away from me. We have been super busy as a family. Such is life though.
I took the last week of August off to spend time with the kids before school started and to prepare for Jack's baptism. In the LDS church you aren't baptized until you are at least 8 years old. Jack has been patiently waiting since January for this to happen.
On Monday of that week I was surprised by a visit from my younger brother. He was unable to come to our wedding because of school responsibilities, he was able to spend the week with us and get to know my wonderful family.My husband planned this with him, which is very sweet. :)
We went to the movies and saw Turbo, which is a great family friendly movie. The kids loved this, especially Emma. She kept saying how it was her first time at a movie theater. My brother and I took the kids to the zoo, lots of walking, and good times seeing the animals. The kids loved it and would have stayed longer, but I was exhausted. I think we spent a total of 4 1/2 hours walking around, probably close to 3 miles total. (It felt like that much at least.)
Then on Saturday of that week was Jack's baptism. We had lots of family over for it, which the kids loved. My sister, brother, and sister-in-law were all there with any kids that belong to them (8 total). My husbands family came and the kids mom even made an appearance. I'm glad she was able to come, even though being around her always puts me on edge. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
On top of all this, Matt worked the entire week, catching up and organizing things. He has been very busy and productive, which is very good for the business. :)
Then, we told the kids on Sunday on the way to church that we will be welcoming a new addition to the family some time next spring. Yep, I'm pregnant. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around all the changes that have happened in the past year. It has been crazy, but I'm very excited. It'll hit me once we hear the heartbeat and see a picture of the baby. The kids are excited, at least Emma is anyway, Jack and Eva haven't talked about it much. Emma keeps asking questions and talking about "The Baby".
*One of her questions was, "Does the baby wear a diaper in your belly?" I got to say "No" to that one. :)*
I took the last week of August off to spend time with the kids before school started and to prepare for Jack's baptism. In the LDS church you aren't baptized until you are at least 8 years old. Jack has been patiently waiting since January for this to happen.
On Monday of that week I was surprised by a visit from my younger brother. He was unable to come to our wedding because of school responsibilities, he was able to spend the week with us and get to know my wonderful family.My husband planned this with him, which is very sweet. :)
We went to the movies and saw Turbo, which is a great family friendly movie. The kids loved this, especially Emma. She kept saying how it was her first time at a movie theater. My brother and I took the kids to the zoo, lots of walking, and good times seeing the animals. The kids loved it and would have stayed longer, but I was exhausted. I think we spent a total of 4 1/2 hours walking around, probably close to 3 miles total. (It felt like that much at least.)
Then on Saturday of that week was Jack's baptism. We had lots of family over for it, which the kids loved. My sister, brother, and sister-in-law were all there with any kids that belong to them (8 total). My husbands family came and the kids mom even made an appearance. I'm glad she was able to come, even though being around her always puts me on edge. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
On top of all this, Matt worked the entire week, catching up and organizing things. He has been very busy and productive, which is very good for the business. :)
Then, we told the kids on Sunday on the way to church that we will be welcoming a new addition to the family some time next spring. Yep, I'm pregnant. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around all the changes that have happened in the past year. It has been crazy, but I'm very excited. It'll hit me once we hear the heartbeat and see a picture of the baby. The kids are excited, at least Emma is anyway, Jack and Eva haven't talked about it much. Emma keeps asking questions and talking about "The Baby".
*One of her questions was, "Does the baby wear a diaper in your belly?" I got to say "No" to that one. :)*
August 20, 2013
random happenings
The other day I had fed the kids breakfast already and hadn't gotten around to eating myself, so I asked Eva what I should make.
Eva "Applesauce" - I've never been a big fan of applesauce.
Me "What else?"
Eva "Chocolate" - this is why she and I get along so well :)
Me "Okay...anything else?"
Eva "Yogurt"
Me "I had some yogurt already, what else should I have?"
Eva "Frosting" - I just love this girl
So lately, I feel like I'm going crazy. If it's not work it's family, if it's not family it's personal, if it's not personal it's work...it's a vicious cycle of stress, fast food, chocolate, and occasional crying and yelling. My poor husband sure puts up with a lot. He's been so great. Both he and I have been under a lot of stress. He handles it by throwing himself into work (ironically enough that's where about half of his stress comes from...at least in my eyes.) I handle it by binge eating, crying, or talking about it. Neither approach seems all that healthy.
Hmmm...I'll have to put that on my "to-do" list. "Find a healthier way of dealing with stress." Let's be honest though, who would rather run than eat chocolate chip cookies? Not me.
We are planning Jack's baptism. He is going to be baptized on the 31st. He is so very excited. This is a whole new experience for my husband and I. I for one didn't think I'd be at this point for at least 8 years, but here I am 5 months after getting married and planning a baptism. It's going to be a quiet celebration with mostly family.
One thing I've thought about lately is how mature my kids are. I wish I could help them be more relaxed. They worry too much about things that most adults don't worry about. They have experienced more loss and heartache than is fair. My only hope is that I can encourage them to have fun, be a kid, make mistakes, and get dirty. (Even though I got upset with the girls for playing in the dirt today...they just had baths.) Jack is constantly worrying about and looking out for his sisters. Which is fantastic, don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure my older brothers didn't do that. But he's only 8, and I just want him to have fun. To be oblivious to what's going on and not worry about life. They are amazing kids and I'm so blessed to have them in my life.
One recommendation: have a pillow fight this week. (The huge floor pillows are great for this.) We have had a family pillow fight on the past couple Sunday's after church. The big pillows knock over the kids...Matt and I may or may not do it on purpose. :)
Eva "Applesauce" - I've never been a big fan of applesauce.
Me "What else?"
Eva "Chocolate" - this is why she and I get along so well :)
Me "Okay...anything else?"
Eva "Yogurt"
Me "I had some yogurt already, what else should I have?"
Eva "Frosting" - I just love this girl
So lately, I feel like I'm going crazy. If it's not work it's family, if it's not family it's personal, if it's not personal it's work...it's a vicious cycle of stress, fast food, chocolate, and occasional crying and yelling. My poor husband sure puts up with a lot. He's been so great. Both he and I have been under a lot of stress. He handles it by throwing himself into work (ironically enough that's where about half of his stress comes from...at least in my eyes.) I handle it by binge eating, crying, or talking about it. Neither approach seems all that healthy.
Hmmm...I'll have to put that on my "to-do" list. "Find a healthier way of dealing with stress." Let's be honest though, who would rather run than eat chocolate chip cookies? Not me.
We are planning Jack's baptism. He is going to be baptized on the 31st. He is so very excited. This is a whole new experience for my husband and I. I for one didn't think I'd be at this point for at least 8 years, but here I am 5 months after getting married and planning a baptism. It's going to be a quiet celebration with mostly family.
One thing I've thought about lately is how mature my kids are. I wish I could help them be more relaxed. They worry too much about things that most adults don't worry about. They have experienced more loss and heartache than is fair. My only hope is that I can encourage them to have fun, be a kid, make mistakes, and get dirty. (Even though I got upset with the girls for playing in the dirt today...they just had baths.) Jack is constantly worrying about and looking out for his sisters. Which is fantastic, don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure my older brothers didn't do that. But he's only 8, and I just want him to have fun. To be oblivious to what's going on and not worry about life. They are amazing kids and I'm so blessed to have them in my life.
One recommendation: have a pillow fight this week. (The huge floor pillows are great for this.) We have had a family pillow fight on the past couple Sunday's after church. The big pillows knock over the kids...Matt and I may or may not do it on purpose. :)
August 13, 2013
parental concerns
Poop and pee on the floor, poopy fingerprints on the counter and toilet seat, pee in the garbage can...these were things I was not expecting to experience.
Because the kids have not had what people would call a "normal" life I'm never sure what exactly to think of these things. Is this a cry for attention? Acting out because they never see their birth mother? Or something else entirely? Jack and Emma have been seeing a counselor, who they love! She has a big, white, fluffy dog called Abby. Emma asks on a regular basis when she gets to see her again. :) We have mentioned these things to the counselor so that she is aware of what's going on.
Part of me wonders if I'm contributing to their anxiety, worries, fears, and everything else they are going through. It's hard to know what exactly they're feeling because they're still learning how to express themselves. We try and ask them questions like, "Are you sad/mad/happy/frustrated/upset about something?" This helps a little bit to get to the root of the problem. Eva, being only 3, doesn't fully understand what each of those feelings mean and feels like. Sometimes she'll tell me that she is sad about playing dress-up, when that hadn't been talked about for who knows how long.
When I think about all the changes that all 5 of us have experienced in the past year, I guess I'm not surprised that things like this happen.
I am so very grateful that they put up with me. I love their hugs, laughing with them, reading to them, singing to them. They are immensely patient with me. I love them more than I've ever loved another child. I have learned more from them and my husband than anyone else.
Life is good. :)
Because the kids have not had what people would call a "normal" life I'm never sure what exactly to think of these things. Is this a cry for attention? Acting out because they never see their birth mother? Or something else entirely? Jack and Emma have been seeing a counselor, who they love! She has a big, white, fluffy dog called Abby. Emma asks on a regular basis when she gets to see her again. :) We have mentioned these things to the counselor so that she is aware of what's going on.
Part of me wonders if I'm contributing to their anxiety, worries, fears, and everything else they are going through. It's hard to know what exactly they're feeling because they're still learning how to express themselves. We try and ask them questions like, "Are you sad/mad/happy/frustrated/upset about something?" This helps a little bit to get to the root of the problem. Eva, being only 3, doesn't fully understand what each of those feelings mean and feels like. Sometimes she'll tell me that she is sad about playing dress-up, when that hadn't been talked about for who knows how long.
When I think about all the changes that all 5 of us have experienced in the past year, I guess I'm not surprised that things like this happen.
- A year ago I was living in Northern Utah, very single, and very happy with my job.
- Now I am happily married, with 3 kids!
- Still happy with my job, but frustrated and much more stressed as well.
- I also moved to a new state where I knew no one, and had no friends. I still don't have many close friends, but at least I know people. :)
- A year ago my sweet husband, Matt, was renting from his parents and dating someone.
- Now he has a business that is up and running, but still requires A LOT of work and some sleepless nights. This also causes some stress.
- He is also happily married.
- He moved an hour north to a new town.
- He continually worries about the kids and their well-being, as well as the ex and what effect she might be having on them.
- A year ago the kids were living in the grandparents basement. Their Dad was dating a lady that had some kids.
- Jack was going to school, with the same teacher for 3 years. He had friends at school and at church.
- Emma was going to pre-school and loved it.
- Eva was a happy 3 year old. She liked Dora the Explorer and Tangled.
- Jack started going to a new school where the rules are different and he didn't know anyone. People at church were new and different.
- Emma didn't go to pre-school anymore because it was late in the year when they moved. She's been at home every day with me, her dad, or our babysitter.
- Eva is still a happy 3 year old, and still likes Dora and Tangled. She also gets to play on a regular basis with our babysitters daughter, who she loves and adores.
- Now the kids are getting used to a new mother figure, a new home, Dad being gone more often for work, not seeing their grandparents nearly as much. They have been through a wedding, me working 5 days a week with an inconsistent schedule, their Dad working crazy hours and being stressed. (Which that's never fun for anyone to be stressed, but sadly enough it's part of life.)
I am so very grateful that they put up with me. I love their hugs, laughing with them, reading to them, singing to them. They are immensely patient with me. I love them more than I've ever loved another child. I have learned more from them and my husband than anyone else.
Life is good. :)
July 25, 2013
introducing the Veil family
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| Our cake. Yumm, red velvet. :) |
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| I think we make a pretty good looking family! |
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| My beautiful mom, gorgeous sisters, and of course, me. |
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| All of my siblings that were able to be at the wedding. |
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| Matt's parents, the happy couple, my parents. |
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| Siblings and spouses. Yes I know my head is in front of Matt's face..no one told me! |
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| Grandpa, me and my handsome dad. |
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| Our first dance as husband and wife. God Bless the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts |
marriage advice...what to do
Twice a year The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints holds a world wide broadcast called General Conference. Millions of people across the globe listen in April and October to the messages of living prophets and apostles of God.
This past week I have been listening to the April 2013 General Conference on CD while I drive to and from work. A couple of the talks have really stuck with me. The first one goes a long with one of my posts from last week, "families are forever".
Given by Elder L. Whitney Clayton of the Presidency of the Seventy, the talk is titled Marriage: Watch and Learn. Here are some highlights:
Some might think of me as a hypocrite considering I have been divorced. There are of course cases where it is appropriate for a divorce to occur. My first husband was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. That experience taught me many lessons that have helped mold me into the woman I am today. I am able to appreciate my circumstances better than I would if I hadn't gone through a divorce. My husband is an amazing man who helps me be a better person. I am continually in awe of how hard he works and how much he loves me.
A happy marriage is possible, but it takes hard work. Anything worth having is worth working for.
If you would like to see the full text of the talk, click the link below.
Marriage: Watch and Learn
This past week I have been listening to the April 2013 General Conference on CD while I drive to and from work. A couple of the talks have really stuck with me. The first one goes a long with one of my posts from last week, "families are forever".
Given by Elder L. Whitney Clayton of the Presidency of the Seventy, the talk is titled Marriage: Watch and Learn. Here are some highlights:
- The best marriage partners regard their marriages as priceless.
- Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the foundation of happy eternal marriages.
- Repentance and humility build happy marriages.
- Terrific marriages are completely respectful, transparent, and loyal.
- Successful couples love each other with complete devotion.
Some might think of me as a hypocrite considering I have been divorced. There are of course cases where it is appropriate for a divorce to occur. My first husband was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. That experience taught me many lessons that have helped mold me into the woman I am today. I am able to appreciate my circumstances better than I would if I hadn't gone through a divorce. My husband is an amazing man who helps me be a better person. I am continually in awe of how hard he works and how much he loves me.
A happy marriage is possible, but it takes hard work. Anything worth having is worth working for.
If you would like to see the full text of the talk, click the link below.
Marriage: Watch and Learn
July 20, 2013
marriage advice...what not to do
One of my friends posted this on Facebook. I read it and thought it was pretty true. I tracked it back to the original website. The author is a single father named Dan. He has a blog and is a photographer. Obviously there are multiple ways that I connected with this. My husband was a single father for 3 years, I have been divorced, I have a blog, and I like to look at pictures. :)
Here is the article:
15. DON'T SKIP OUT ON THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO HER.
It was so easy in marriage to veto so many of the things she enjoyed doing. My reasoning, “we can find things we both enjoy.” That’s lame. There will always be things she enjoys that I will never enjoy, and that’s no reason not to support her in them. Sometimes the only thing she needs is to know that I’m there.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d attend many more of the events that she invited me to. I would actively participate and not tell all the reasons why I’d do it differently or how it could be better or more fun or time better spent.
BONUS! go to something she knows you don’t enjoy and the gratitude gets piled on later that night, like whipped cream on a cheesecake.
16. DON'T EMOTIONALLY DISTANCE YOURSELF AFTER A FIGHT.
I never got to experience the power of make-up sex because any time my wife was mean or we got in a fight, I’d completely distance myself from her, usually for several days. Communication would shut down and I’d avoid contact at all cost. This never let things get worked out, and eventually after it had happened enough times I’d explode unnecessarily.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d let myself communicate my emotions and feelings more often, and I’d make sure that she knew I still loved her any time we had an ugly bout. Sure, we’d give each other some distance. But not days of distance.
BONUS! Fantastic make-up sex. Or at least that’s the theory.
I had lots more written out, but the list started getting super long so I’ll stop right there and maybe do a part 2. It’s amazing when you’ve had relationships end, just how much you learn and know you could have done differently, isn’t it?
My sister and her new husband will be amazing. Hopefully she’ll always be giving amazing marriage advice in the future and never have to hand out the “keep your marriage from ending” advice like I get to.
Here is the article:
16 Ways I Blew My Marriage (By Dan Pearce)
You know what blows big time?
The other night I was sitting with my family, most of whom are very successfully married. We were going in a circle giving our best marriage advice to my little sist
You know what blows big time?
The other night I was sitting with my family, most of whom are very successfully married. We were going in a circle giving our best marriage advice to my little sist
er on the eve of her wedding. It’s somewhat of a family tradition.
But that’s not what blows. What really blows is that I realized I don’t have any good marriage advice to give. After all, I’ve never had a successful marriage out of the two marriages I did have.
And so, when it was my turn, I just made a joke about divorce and how you should always remember why you loved your spouse when you first met her so that when times get tough, you can find someone new that is just like she was.
There were a couple courtesy giggles, but overall my humor wasn’t welcome in such a beautifully building ring of profundity.
They finished round one, and for some reason started into another round. And that’s when I realized. Hey. I don’t have marriage advice to give, but I have plenty of “keep your marriage from ending” advice (two equivocally different things), and that might be almost as good.
It eventually came to me again, and what I said would have been such great advice if I were a tenth as good at saying things as I was at writing them.
And so, that night, I sat down and wrote out my “advice list” for my little sister. You know… things I wish I would have known or done differently so that I didn’t end up divorced (twice). After writing it, I thought maybe I’d share it with all of you, too.
I call it my “Ways I Blew My Marriage” list. Also, for the list’s sake, I am just going to refer to “her” instead of “them” even though they almost all were true in both marriages.
1. DON’T STOP HOLDING HER HAND.
When I first dated the woman I ended up marrying, I always held her hand. In the car. While walking. At meals. At movies. It didn’t matter where. Over time, I stopped. I made up excuses like my hand was too hot or it made me sweat or I wasn’t comfortable with it in public. Truth was, I stopped holding hands because I stopped wanting to put in the effort to be close to my wife. No other reason.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d hold her hand in the car. I’d hold her hand on a star. I’d hold her hand in a box. I’d hold her hand with a fox. And I’d hold her hand everywhere else, too, even when we didn’t particularly like each other for the moment.
BONUS! When you hold hands in the winter, they don’t get cold. True story.
2. DON'T STOP TRYING TO BE ATTRACTIVE.
Obviously when I was working to woo her, I would do myself up as attractively as I possibly could every time I saw her. I kept perfectly groomed. I always smelled good. I held in my farts until she wasn’t around. For some reason, marriage made me feel like I could stop doing all that. I would get all properly groomed, smelling good, and dressed up any time we went out somewhere or I went out by myself, but I rarely, if ever, cared about making myself attractive just for her.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d try and put my best foot forward throughout our entire marriage. I’d wait to fart until I was in the bathroom whenever possible. I’d make myself desirable so that she would desire me.
BONUS! when you trim your man hair, guess what. She returns the favor.
3. DON'T ALWAYS POINT OUT HER WEAKNESSES.
For some reason, somewhere along the way, I always ended up feeling like it was my place to tell her where she was weak and where she could do better. I sure as heck didn’t do that while we were dating. No, when I dated her I only built her up, only told her how amazing she was, and easily looked past all of her flaws. After we got married though, she sometimes couldn’t even cook eggs without me telling her how she might be able to improve.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I wouldn’t say a damned thing about anything that I thought could use improvement. I’ve learned since my marriage ended that there is more than one right way to do most things, and that the imperfections of others are too beautiful to try and change.
BONUS! when you tell her what she’s doing right, she’ll tell you what you’re doing right. And she’ll also tell her friends. And her family. And the dentist. And even strangers on the street.
4. DON'T STOP COOKING FOR HER.
I knew how to woo a girl, for sure. And the ticket was usually a night in, cooking a nice meal and having a romantic evening. So why is it then, that I didn’t do that for her after we got married? Sure, I’d throw some canned soup in the microwave or fry up some chimichangas once in a while, but I rarely if ever went out of my way to sweep her off her feet after we were married by steaming crab legs, or making fancy pasta, or setting up a candlelit table.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make it a priority to cook for her, and only her, something awesome at least every month. And I’d remember that meat in a can is never awesome.
BONUS! candlelit dinners often lead to candlelit bow chica bow-wow.
5. DON'T YELL AT YOUR SPOUSE.
I’m not talking about the angry kind of yelling. I’m talking about the lazy kind of yelling. The kind of yelling you do when you don’t want to get up from your television show or you don’t want to go ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS to ask her if she’s seen your keys. It really doesn’t take that much effort to go find her, and yelling (by nature) sounds demanding and authoritative.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d try to go find her anytime I needed something or wanted to know something, and I’d have both gratitude and manners when I did. I always hated when she would yell to me, so why did I always feel it was okay to yell to her?
BONUS! sometimes you catch her doing something cute that you would have missed otherwise.
6. DON'T CALL NAMES.
I always felt I was the king of not calling names, but I wasn’t. I may not have called her stupid, or idiot, or any of the other names she’d sometimes call me, but I would tell her she was stubborn, or that she was impossible, or that she was so hard to deal with. Names are names, and calling them will drive bigger wedges in communication than just about anything else.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: Any time it got to the point that I wanted to call names, I’d call a time-out and come back to it later. Or better yet, I’d call her names, but they’d be names like “super sexy” or “hotness.
7. DON'T BE STINGY WITH YOUR MONEY.
As the main bread earner, I was always so stingy with the money. I’d whine about the cost of her shampoo or that she didn’t order water at restaurants, or that she’d spend so much money on things like pedicures or hair dye jobs. But seriously. I always had just as many if not more things that I spent my money on, and in the end, the money was spent, we were just fine, and the only thing my bitching and moaning did was bring undo stress to our relationship.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d tell her I trusted her to buy whatever she wanted, whenever she felt like she needed it. And then, I’d actually trust her to do it.
BONUS! sometimes she will make bad purchase decisions, which leads to makeup purchase decisions. Like that new gadget you’ve had your eyes on.
8. DON'T ARGUE IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.
There was never any argument that was so important or pressing that we couldn’t wait to have it until the kids weren’t there. I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist or super-shrink to know why fighting in front of the kids is a dangerous and selfish way of doing things.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I would never, ever, not even once fight in front of the kids, no matter how big or how small the issue was. I’d maybe make a code word that meant, “not with the kids here.”
BONUS! when you wait to fight, usually you both realize how stupid or unimportant the fight was and the fight never happens.
10. DON'T POOP WITH THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN.
I don’t know why, but at some point I started thinking it was okay to poop with the bathroom door open, and so did she. First of all, it’s gross. Second of all, it stinks everything up. Third of all, there is literally no way to make pooping attractive, which means that every time she saw me do it, she, at least in some little way, would have thought I was less attractive.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d shut the damn door and poop in private.
BONUS! when she does think of your naked body, she’s not going to be thinking about it in a grunting/squatting position.
11. DON'T STOP KISSING HER.
It always got to a point when I’d more or less stop kissing her. Usually it was because things were stressful and there was tension in our relationship, and so I’d make it worse by refusing to kiss her. This of course would lead to her feeling rejected. Which would of course lead to arguments about it. Other times I had my own issues with germs and whatnot.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d kiss her in the morning when she looked like people do in the morning. I’d kiss her at night when she’s had a long day. I’d kiss her any time I felt like she secretly wanted a kiss. And, I’d kiss her even when my germ issues kicked in.
BONUS! she feels loved when you kiss her. That’s bonus enough.
12. DON'T STOP HAVING FUN TOGETHER.
Age shouldn’t matter. Physical ability shouldn’t matter. Couples should never stop having fun with each other, and I really wish I wouldn’t have gotten into so many ruts in which we didn’t really go out and do anything. And, I’ve been around the block enough times to know that when the fun is missing, and the social part of life is missing, so also goes missing the ability to be fully content with each other.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make a rule with her that we’d never stay home two weekends in a row.
BONUS! awesome stories and awesome memories come from doing awesome things. And so do cherished embarrassing moments.
13. DON'T PRESSURE EACH OTHER.
Pressuring each other about anything is always a recipe for resentment. I always felt so pressured to make more money. I always felt so pressured to not slip in my religion. I always felt so pressured to feel certain ways about things when I felt the opposite. And I usually carried a lot of resentment. Looking back, I can think of just as many times that I pressured her, so I know it was a two-way street.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make it a point to celebrate the different views, opinions, and ways that she had of doing things. I’d find the beauty in differentiation, not the threat.
BONUS! authentic happiness becomes a real possibility. And so do authentic foot rubs.
14.DON'T LABEL EACH OTHER WITH NEGATIVE LABELS.
Sometimes the easiest phrases to say in my marriage started with one of three things. Either, “you should have,” “you aren’t,” or “you didn’t.” Inevitably after each of those seemed to come something negative. And since when have negative labels ever helped anyone? They certainly never helped her. Or me. Instead, they seemed to make the action that sparked the label worsen in big ways.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I would learn to stop myself before saying any of those phrases, and then I’d switch them out for positive labels. Instead of “you should,” I’d say “you are great at.” Instead of saying “you aren’t,” I’d say “you are.” Instead of saying “you didn’t,” I’d say, “you did.” And then I’d follow it up with something positive.
BONUS! the noblest struggles become far more conquerable. And you don’t think or believe that you’re a schmuck, which is always nice.
But that’s not what blows. What really blows is that I realized I don’t have any good marriage advice to give. After all, I’ve never had a successful marriage out of the two marriages I did have.
And so, when it was my turn, I just made a joke about divorce and how you should always remember why you loved your spouse when you first met her so that when times get tough, you can find someone new that is just like she was.
There were a couple courtesy giggles, but overall my humor wasn’t welcome in such a beautifully building ring of profundity.
They finished round one, and for some reason started into another round. And that’s when I realized. Hey. I don’t have marriage advice to give, but I have plenty of “keep your marriage from ending” advice (two equivocally different things), and that might be almost as good.
It eventually came to me again, and what I said would have been such great advice if I were a tenth as good at saying things as I was at writing them.
And so, that night, I sat down and wrote out my “advice list” for my little sister. You know… things I wish I would have known or done differently so that I didn’t end up divorced (twice). After writing it, I thought maybe I’d share it with all of you, too.
I call it my “Ways I Blew My Marriage” list. Also, for the list’s sake, I am just going to refer to “her” instead of “them” even though they almost all were true in both marriages.
1. DON’T STOP HOLDING HER HAND.
When I first dated the woman I ended up marrying, I always held her hand. In the car. While walking. At meals. At movies. It didn’t matter where. Over time, I stopped. I made up excuses like my hand was too hot or it made me sweat or I wasn’t comfortable with it in public. Truth was, I stopped holding hands because I stopped wanting to put in the effort to be close to my wife. No other reason.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d hold her hand in the car. I’d hold her hand on a star. I’d hold her hand in a box. I’d hold her hand with a fox. And I’d hold her hand everywhere else, too, even when we didn’t particularly like each other for the moment.
BONUS! When you hold hands in the winter, they don’t get cold. True story.
2. DON'T STOP TRYING TO BE ATTRACTIVE.
Obviously when I was working to woo her, I would do myself up as attractively as I possibly could every time I saw her. I kept perfectly groomed. I always smelled good. I held in my farts until she wasn’t around. For some reason, marriage made me feel like I could stop doing all that. I would get all properly groomed, smelling good, and dressed up any time we went out somewhere or I went out by myself, but I rarely, if ever, cared about making myself attractive just for her.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d try and put my best foot forward throughout our entire marriage. I’d wait to fart until I was in the bathroom whenever possible. I’d make myself desirable so that she would desire me.
BONUS! when you trim your man hair, guess what. She returns the favor.
3. DON'T ALWAYS POINT OUT HER WEAKNESSES.
For some reason, somewhere along the way, I always ended up feeling like it was my place to tell her where she was weak and where she could do better. I sure as heck didn’t do that while we were dating. No, when I dated her I only built her up, only told her how amazing she was, and easily looked past all of her flaws. After we got married though, she sometimes couldn’t even cook eggs without me telling her how she might be able to improve.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I wouldn’t say a damned thing about anything that I thought could use improvement. I’ve learned since my marriage ended that there is more than one right way to do most things, and that the imperfections of others are too beautiful to try and change.
BONUS! when you tell her what she’s doing right, she’ll tell you what you’re doing right. And she’ll also tell her friends. And her family. And the dentist. And even strangers on the street.
4. DON'T STOP COOKING FOR HER.
I knew how to woo a girl, for sure. And the ticket was usually a night in, cooking a nice meal and having a romantic evening. So why is it then, that I didn’t do that for her after we got married? Sure, I’d throw some canned soup in the microwave or fry up some chimichangas once in a while, but I rarely if ever went out of my way to sweep her off her feet after we were married by steaming crab legs, or making fancy pasta, or setting up a candlelit table.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make it a priority to cook for her, and only her, something awesome at least every month. And I’d remember that meat in a can is never awesome.
BONUS! candlelit dinners often lead to candlelit bow chica bow-wow.
5. DON'T YELL AT YOUR SPOUSE.
I’m not talking about the angry kind of yelling. I’m talking about the lazy kind of yelling. The kind of yelling you do when you don’t want to get up from your television show or you don’t want to go ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS to ask her if she’s seen your keys. It really doesn’t take that much effort to go find her, and yelling (by nature) sounds demanding and authoritative.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d try to go find her anytime I needed something or wanted to know something, and I’d have both gratitude and manners when I did. I always hated when she would yell to me, so why did I always feel it was okay to yell to her?
BONUS! sometimes you catch her doing something cute that you would have missed otherwise.
6. DON'T CALL NAMES.
I always felt I was the king of not calling names, but I wasn’t. I may not have called her stupid, or idiot, or any of the other names she’d sometimes call me, but I would tell her she was stubborn, or that she was impossible, or that she was so hard to deal with. Names are names, and calling them will drive bigger wedges in communication than just about anything else.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: Any time it got to the point that I wanted to call names, I’d call a time-out and come back to it later. Or better yet, I’d call her names, but they’d be names like “super sexy” or “hotness.
7. DON'T BE STINGY WITH YOUR MONEY.
As the main bread earner, I was always so stingy with the money. I’d whine about the cost of her shampoo or that she didn’t order water at restaurants, or that she’d spend so much money on things like pedicures or hair dye jobs. But seriously. I always had just as many if not more things that I spent my money on, and in the end, the money was spent, we were just fine, and the only thing my bitching and moaning did was bring undo stress to our relationship.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d tell her I trusted her to buy whatever she wanted, whenever she felt like she needed it. And then, I’d actually trust her to do it.
BONUS! sometimes she will make bad purchase decisions, which leads to makeup purchase decisions. Like that new gadget you’ve had your eyes on.
8. DON'T ARGUE IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.
There was never any argument that was so important or pressing that we couldn’t wait to have it until the kids weren’t there. I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist or super-shrink to know why fighting in front of the kids is a dangerous and selfish way of doing things.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I would never, ever, not even once fight in front of the kids, no matter how big or how small the issue was. I’d maybe make a code word that meant, “not with the kids here.”
BONUS! when you wait to fight, usually you both realize how stupid or unimportant the fight was and the fight never happens.
10. DON'T POOP WITH THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN.
I don’t know why, but at some point I started thinking it was okay to poop with the bathroom door open, and so did she. First of all, it’s gross. Second of all, it stinks everything up. Third of all, there is literally no way to make pooping attractive, which means that every time she saw me do it, she, at least in some little way, would have thought I was less attractive.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d shut the damn door and poop in private.
BONUS! when she does think of your naked body, she’s not going to be thinking about it in a grunting/squatting position.
11. DON'T STOP KISSING HER.
It always got to a point when I’d more or less stop kissing her. Usually it was because things were stressful and there was tension in our relationship, and so I’d make it worse by refusing to kiss her. This of course would lead to her feeling rejected. Which would of course lead to arguments about it. Other times I had my own issues with germs and whatnot.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d kiss her in the morning when she looked like people do in the morning. I’d kiss her at night when she’s had a long day. I’d kiss her any time I felt like she secretly wanted a kiss. And, I’d kiss her even when my germ issues kicked in.
BONUS! she feels loved when you kiss her. That’s bonus enough.
12. DON'T STOP HAVING FUN TOGETHER.
Age shouldn’t matter. Physical ability shouldn’t matter. Couples should never stop having fun with each other, and I really wish I wouldn’t have gotten into so many ruts in which we didn’t really go out and do anything. And, I’ve been around the block enough times to know that when the fun is missing, and the social part of life is missing, so also goes missing the ability to be fully content with each other.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make a rule with her that we’d never stay home two weekends in a row.
BONUS! awesome stories and awesome memories come from doing awesome things. And so do cherished embarrassing moments.
13. DON'T PRESSURE EACH OTHER.
Pressuring each other about anything is always a recipe for resentment. I always felt so pressured to make more money. I always felt so pressured to not slip in my religion. I always felt so pressured to feel certain ways about things when I felt the opposite. And I usually carried a lot of resentment. Looking back, I can think of just as many times that I pressured her, so I know it was a two-way street.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make it a point to celebrate the different views, opinions, and ways that she had of doing things. I’d find the beauty in differentiation, not the threat.
BONUS! authentic happiness becomes a real possibility. And so do authentic foot rubs.
14.DON'T LABEL EACH OTHER WITH NEGATIVE LABELS.
Sometimes the easiest phrases to say in my marriage started with one of three things. Either, “you should have,” “you aren’t,” or “you didn’t.” Inevitably after each of those seemed to come something negative. And since when have negative labels ever helped anyone? They certainly never helped her. Or me. Instead, they seemed to make the action that sparked the label worsen in big ways.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I would learn to stop myself before saying any of those phrases, and then I’d switch them out for positive labels. Instead of “you should,” I’d say “you are great at.” Instead of saying “you aren’t,” I’d say “you are.” Instead of saying “you didn’t,” I’d say, “you did.” And then I’d follow it up with something positive.
BONUS! the noblest struggles become far more conquerable. And you don’t think or believe that you’re a schmuck, which is always nice.
15. DON'T SKIP OUT ON THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO HER.
It was so easy in marriage to veto so many of the things she enjoyed doing. My reasoning, “we can find things we both enjoy.” That’s lame. There will always be things she enjoys that I will never enjoy, and that’s no reason not to support her in them. Sometimes the only thing she needs is to know that I’m there.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d attend many more of the events that she invited me to. I would actively participate and not tell all the reasons why I’d do it differently or how it could be better or more fun or time better spent.
BONUS! go to something she knows you don’t enjoy and the gratitude gets piled on later that night, like whipped cream on a cheesecake.
16. DON'T EMOTIONALLY DISTANCE YOURSELF AFTER A FIGHT.
I never got to experience the power of make-up sex because any time my wife was mean or we got in a fight, I’d completely distance myself from her, usually for several days. Communication would shut down and I’d avoid contact at all cost. This never let things get worked out, and eventually after it had happened enough times I’d explode unnecessarily.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d let myself communicate my emotions and feelings more often, and I’d make sure that she knew I still loved her any time we had an ugly bout. Sure, we’d give each other some distance. But not days of distance.
BONUS! Fantastic make-up sex. Or at least that’s the theory.
I had lots more written out, but the list started getting super long so I’ll stop right there and maybe do a part 2. It’s amazing when you’ve had relationships end, just how much you learn and know you could have done differently, isn’t it?
My sister and her new husband will be amazing. Hopefully she’ll always be giving amazing marriage advice in the future and never have to hand out the “keep your marriage from ending” advice like I get to.
Credit for this article goes to: Single Dad Laughing. I recommend that you check out his blog. It's pretty interesting.
Now girls...that article is not a list to give to your husband to tell him all the things he's doing wrong. We need to be a little more considerate of our husbands. If they want to hold our hand, or cuddle, then we need to give them a chance. Just because you're married doesn't mean the romance and the butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling needs to end.
July 19, 2013
families are forever
I have a 30-45 minute commute to work, 5 days a week. This means I have a lot of time to think, listen to the radio, or listen to audio books. Lately I have been doing the latter. I LOVE books, which makes sense since I manage a bookstore. :) I read all genre's, but I love mystery and suspense. Some of these books involve situations where a child is kidnapped, or someone is murdered.
This has caused me to think a little bit more about my family and what/how much they mean to me. I love my husband; he is a good man who works hard and protects his family. And even though the kids that I call mine are not ones that I gave birth to, I love them more than anything else in my life.
I was raised in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was taught as a child that families can be together forever, not just "until death do us part". This happens in temples that are all over the world. My husband and I are waiting to be sealed in the temple until we can have all three kids there with us.
Knowing that I and my family are working towards this goal of an eternal family helps me, but it also causes me to think about the choices I make. I need to make sure I make choices that will keep me and my family safe.
My parents were sealed in the Salt Lake City, UT temple. I will forever be connected to my parents and my siblings, my nieces and nephews and the rest of my family. That knowledge offers comfort and strength to help me get through each day. Life is hard, and scary and it can end in a moment. If something were to happen to one of my family members I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that I would see them again.
I love my family with all my heart. Jack, Emma, Eva and my husband are my world. They push me to do better and be better. They motivate me to work 10 hours a day at work and come home to make dinner, do laundry, clean and everything else that needs to be done. I do all of that because I love them.
If you would like to know more about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints you can visit one of the following links:
www.lds.org
www.mormon.org
This has caused me to think a little bit more about my family and what/how much they mean to me. I love my husband; he is a good man who works hard and protects his family. And even though the kids that I call mine are not ones that I gave birth to, I love them more than anything else in my life.
I was raised in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was taught as a child that families can be together forever, not just "until death do us part". This happens in temples that are all over the world. My husband and I are waiting to be sealed in the temple until we can have all three kids there with us.
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| This temple in Portland, OR is 5 minutes from my store. |
Knowing that I and my family are working towards this goal of an eternal family helps me, but it also causes me to think about the choices I make. I need to make sure I make choices that will keep me and my family safe.
My parents were sealed in the Salt Lake City, UT temple. I will forever be connected to my parents and my siblings, my nieces and nephews and the rest of my family. That knowledge offers comfort and strength to help me get through each day. Life is hard, and scary and it can end in a moment. If something were to happen to one of my family members I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that I would see them again.
I love my family with all my heart. Jack, Emma, Eva and my husband are my world. They push me to do better and be better. They motivate me to work 10 hours a day at work and come home to make dinner, do laundry, clean and everything else that needs to be done. I do all of that because I love them.
If you would like to know more about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints you can visit one of the following links:
www.lds.org
www.mormon.org
July 14, 2013
the funny side of motherhood
We all have those days where we want to lock ourselves in the bathroom with a truck load of chocolate. (I hope it's not just me..) But we also have those days where we remember that "kids say the funniest things".
Last Tuesday Jack woke up and I told him he could watch a movie while I got breakfast ready. I heard the girls' door open and saw Emma coming out. I went over and asked her what she wanted. (I'll be the first to admit that I tease my kids sometimes.) She said that she wanted to watch the movie with Jack. I asked her who told her that Jack was watching a movie and she says, "My brain." I couldn't help but laugh, she said it with such a straight face and it was so sincere. Needless to say she came out and watched the movie.
Last Friday I had just gotten home from work and was starting dinner. The kids were supposed to be cleaning up their toys outside. I went out there to see how they were doing when I noticed a small spiderweb on the deck railing. I called the kids over and pointed it out to them. I wanted them to appreciate the beauty of it while also respecting the work that was put in to it. (That may sound silly to some people...but oh well. I only have that respect for bugs when they're outside. Once they enter my house, their minutes are numbered.) When we headed inside a few minutes later Eva was standing by the spiderweb looking at it. I called her in and she said to the spider, "Bye spider, see you 'morrow!" It was cute.
And then there's Jack. He is a quite boy, who also spends a lot of time playing by himself because, let's face it, what 8 year old wants to play with his 5 and 3 year old sisters? Yesterday we were in the car and somehow we started talking about evil laughs. I look back at Jack and he lets out this maniacal laugh. I'm not sure if I should be comforted by that or worried.
Kids are funny. They do, say, think, and act silly. For instance, today at church Eva shook her Dad's hand before leaving for class. So very random, but so very cute.
If you're looking for more funny or inspirational stories, check out these blogs:
http://kari-on.com/
http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/847751/funniest-mom-blogs
http://thepioneerwoman.com/
Try to look on the bright side...and see the humor in the crazy-hair pulling-oatmeal covered moments. :)
Last Tuesday Jack woke up and I told him he could watch a movie while I got breakfast ready. I heard the girls' door open and saw Emma coming out. I went over and asked her what she wanted. (I'll be the first to admit that I tease my kids sometimes.) She said that she wanted to watch the movie with Jack. I asked her who told her that Jack was watching a movie and she says, "My brain." I couldn't help but laugh, she said it with such a straight face and it was so sincere. Needless to say she came out and watched the movie.
Last Friday I had just gotten home from work and was starting dinner. The kids were supposed to be cleaning up their toys outside. I went out there to see how they were doing when I noticed a small spiderweb on the deck railing. I called the kids over and pointed it out to them. I wanted them to appreciate the beauty of it while also respecting the work that was put in to it. (That may sound silly to some people...but oh well. I only have that respect for bugs when they're outside. Once they enter my house, their minutes are numbered.) When we headed inside a few minutes later Eva was standing by the spiderweb looking at it. I called her in and she said to the spider, "Bye spider, see you 'morrow!" It was cute.
And then there's Jack. He is a quite boy, who also spends a lot of time playing by himself because, let's face it, what 8 year old wants to play with his 5 and 3 year old sisters? Yesterday we were in the car and somehow we started talking about evil laughs. I look back at Jack and he lets out this maniacal laugh. I'm not sure if I should be comforted by that or worried.
Kids are funny. They do, say, think, and act silly. For instance, today at church Eva shook her Dad's hand before leaving for class. So very random, but so very cute.
If you're looking for more funny or inspirational stories, check out these blogs:
http://kari-on.com/
http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/847751/funniest-mom-blogs
http://thepioneerwoman.com/
Try to look on the bright side...and see the humor in the crazy-hair pulling-oatmeal covered moments. :)
July 9, 2013
breakfast for dinner
Today I made a breakfast casserole for dinner. (If that doesn't sound like an oxymoron, I don't know what does.)
EVERYONE liked it. That's what I got really excited about. I remember my mom saying how hard it was to find a meal that everyone would enjoy. I now know how she felt. :) Bless mothers, they put up with so much.
Here is the recipe I used if anyone is interested.
Original recipe makes 12 servings
I found the recipe on www.allrecipes.com. I've used this site before, you can post reviews and rate the recipes. That's what I really like about it. I modified it a little, but I'm sure if you follow the recipe exactly it will taste amazing.
Here is the recipe I used if anyone is interested.
Original recipe makes 12 servings
Directions
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
- Cook and stir bacon and onion in a skillet over medium heat until the bacon is crisp, 10 to 15 minutes. Drain grease, reserving the drippings.
- Grease a 9x13-inch baking dish with the reserved bacon grease.
- Combine the cooked bacon and onion, eggs, hash brown potatoes, Cheddar cheese, cottage cheese, Swiss cheese, bell pepper, and green chilies in the prepared baking dish; stir to combine.
- Bake in preheated oven until the eggs are set firm, 35 to 40 minutes.
- Let casserole cool 10 minutes before cutting to serve.
bedtime stories
Do parents ever catch up on sleep? I feel like I'm ALWAYS tired. Even if I get a full 8 hours of sleep for an entire week, I'm exhausted by noon.
Eva is usually the first one up, and will come into our room saying "Good Morning!" She has yet to understand the meaning of the word "quiet" and will quite often run around the house screaming at 6:30 in the morning. Neither myself nor my husband are morning people. When I open at work I wake up at 5:30am. Not my idea of fun.
And then there's the struggle of actually getting the kids to go to sleep. No matter how many times I ask them if they need to go to the bathroom, or if they need a drink, they still come out. Maybe you've experienced this;
1. I need a drink.
2. I need to go to the bathroom.
3. I need to tell you something.
4. I want a hug/kiss.
5. I can't sleep. (Yes...I've had them say this. It sounds insensitive to say "no duh" to a 5 year old. Even though sometimes I think it...)
6. I want a song/story.
7. I'm scared of the dark.
8. It's too cold/hot.
I could go on, they have a never ending supply of reasons why they shouldn't be sleeping.
Last night Eva fell asleep first, which is unusual. She is usually the one that comes out multiple times. Last night it was Emma's turn for that. Around the 4th time she came out, she was crying, saying that she couldn't sleep. I told her to go lay down on her bed and think of her favorite church songs, or a favorite princess, or a favorite story. That finally worked and she fell asleep.
Then there's the positions they sleep in. Eva will fall asleep with her face in her pillow, her knees under her with her butt in the air. (I for one don't know how that can be comfortable.) Emma sprawls all over the bed, she practically sleeps spread eagle. Jack usually sleeps on his stomach, usually with his head hanging off the bed.
Even with the lack of sleep, they make me smile. Some days it happens more than others though. :)
If you are looking for a good book to read to your kids (or to entertain yourself) here is a great blog post that lists popular books for specific ages. Snogging on Sunday - Professor Says
Eva is usually the first one up, and will come into our room saying "Good Morning!" She has yet to understand the meaning of the word "quiet" and will quite often run around the house screaming at 6:30 in the morning. Neither myself nor my husband are morning people. When I open at work I wake up at 5:30am. Not my idea of fun.
And then there's the struggle of actually getting the kids to go to sleep. No matter how many times I ask them if they need to go to the bathroom, or if they need a drink, they still come out. Maybe you've experienced this;
1. I need a drink.
2. I need to go to the bathroom.
3. I need to tell you something.
4. I want a hug/kiss.
5. I can't sleep. (Yes...I've had them say this. It sounds insensitive to say "no duh" to a 5 year old. Even though sometimes I think it...)
6. I want a song/story.
7. I'm scared of the dark.
8. It's too cold/hot.
I could go on, they have a never ending supply of reasons why they shouldn't be sleeping.
Last night Eva fell asleep first, which is unusual. She is usually the one that comes out multiple times. Last night it was Emma's turn for that. Around the 4th time she came out, she was crying, saying that she couldn't sleep. I told her to go lay down on her bed and think of her favorite church songs, or a favorite princess, or a favorite story. That finally worked and she fell asleep.
Then there's the positions they sleep in. Eva will fall asleep with her face in her pillow, her knees under her with her butt in the air. (I for one don't know how that can be comfortable.) Emma sprawls all over the bed, she practically sleeps spread eagle. Jack usually sleeps on his stomach, usually with his head hanging off the bed.
Even with the lack of sleep, they make me smile. Some days it happens more than others though. :)
If you are looking for a good book to read to your kids (or to entertain yourself) here is a great blog post that lists popular books for specific ages. Snogging on Sunday - Professor Says
July 5, 2013
happy birthday america!
Yesterday was the 4th of July/Independence Day/America's Birthday.
It was a wonderful day spent with my family. The weather was beautiful, not too hot or cold. The kids got to play outside, watched The Sandlot (an American favorite), ate lots of food. A good time was had by all.
My husband is on the board of directors for a nonprofit organization called SHEDCo. They are based in Saint Helens, OR and are primarily focused on improving the economy. He was able to help out with their first annual 4th of July Festival that they organized and sponsored yesterday. They had a pancake breakfast, raising of the flag, the National Guard was present, vintage cars, face painters, balloon artiste's, vendors, bands. It was very nicely put together for the first one. He participated in that in the morning and when he came home before lunch time, I was making cookies and getting things ready for our dinner that night.
His sister came over around lunch time, the kids were ecstatic! They love seeing their Aunt Meghan! She is a lot of fun and I'm very glad that she and I get along and have fun together. She did puzzles with the kids, read to them, watched a movie with them, and helped us out when we went to the 4th of July Festival.
After getting balloons for the kids we walked around and looked at the vendors. The kids were great! The did such a good job with walking and the sun (even though it wasn't too warm out) and all the people. They stayed close to their Dad, me or Aunt Meghan the whole time. They got to play at the playground, and eat kettle corn and share an elephant ear. (If you ask for my opinion the food is the best part of these things!)
After spending about 2 1/2 hours at the Festival we went home. Uncle Matt showed up just in time for dinner. We had so much food! hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, jello, and then pie and ice cream for dessert. We watched The Sandlot afterwards and then lit off fireworks. We didn't have an impressive show, but the kids were amazed just the same. They had that star struck look in their eyes. It was great to see and be a part of. When that was done and we were heading inside to go to bed, Eva yelled, "Happy Birthday America!" I love my little girl. :)
I LOVE my family. I'm grateful to be blessed to live in a country where I can have a family, where I can raise my kids how I see fit. Where I can teach them about God, and truth, right and wrong, freedom, religion, and so many other things. I believe that the founding fathers of this country were inspired by God. Our paper currency says, "In God we trust" on it. I grew up saying the Pledge of Allegiance in school. I was raised knowing that I lived in a blessed country. I am thankful for the men and women who have fought, and continue to fight, so that other people might enjoy the freedoms I enjoy on a daily basis. I am PROUD to be an American!
It was a wonderful day spent with my family. The weather was beautiful, not too hot or cold. The kids got to play outside, watched The Sandlot (an American favorite), ate lots of food. A good time was had by all.
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| The kids right after getting dressed...before the festivities! |
His sister came over around lunch time, the kids were ecstatic! They love seeing their Aunt Meghan! She is a lot of fun and I'm very glad that she and I get along and have fun together. She did puzzles with the kids, read to them, watched a movie with them, and helped us out when we went to the 4th of July Festival.
First we went to the balloon artiste's. (Which were free!) Jack wanted a pirate hat and sword, Emma wanted flowers, and Eva wanted a princess crown.
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| Captain Jack |
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| Flower girl Emma |
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| Princess Eva |
After spending about 2 1/2 hours at the Festival we went home. Uncle Matt showed up just in time for dinner. We had so much food! hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, jello, and then pie and ice cream for dessert. We watched The Sandlot afterwards and then lit off fireworks. We didn't have an impressive show, but the kids were amazed just the same. They had that star struck look in their eyes. It was great to see and be a part of. When that was done and we were heading inside to go to bed, Eva yelled, "Happy Birthday America!" I love my little girl. :)
I LOVE my family. I'm grateful to be blessed to live in a country where I can have a family, where I can raise my kids how I see fit. Where I can teach them about God, and truth, right and wrong, freedom, religion, and so many other things. I believe that the founding fathers of this country were inspired by God. Our paper currency says, "In God we trust" on it. I grew up saying the Pledge of Allegiance in school. I was raised knowing that I lived in a blessed country. I am thankful for the men and women who have fought, and continue to fight, so that other people might enjoy the freedoms I enjoy on a daily basis. I am PROUD to be an American!
June 30, 2013
giggles with eva
I love the times when I am able to play with the kids. It usually involves me chasing them around and tickling them. I LOVE hearing Eva giggle. It almost always makes me smile.
Today Eva was crawling around on the floor, using only her hands to pull herself forward, like a little 3 year old army crawl. I picked her up and tossed her onto our big lounge chair...she loved it. We did this a couple times and then I started chasing her around.
She's started going, "Hey Mom, look at this..." and will say it over and over until I say something. She makes me smile.
Today Eva was crawling around on the floor, using only her hands to pull herself forward, like a little 3 year old army crawl. I picked her up and tossed her onto our big lounge chair...she loved it. We did this a couple times and then I started chasing her around.
She's started going, "Hey Mom, look at this..." and will say it over and over until I say something. She makes me smile.
June 29, 2013
shock & awe
Today is Saturday. Every other Saturday is a visitation day for the kids, this just happens to be the "other" Saturday. I didn't get home until she was leaving. The girls had painted nails, Emma had curled hair and make-up on, and Eva had new jewelry. Jack got nothing. She is the "fun" mom, while I receive the joy of being the one to teach, scold, cook, clean, and train them. It is a joy...but they have a skewed view of what a mother does and is; so sometimes when I reprimand or correct them they have a hard time with it.
Their birth mother (that's what Emma has been calling her, it's kind of sad) does not realize how much psychological and emotional damage she has inflicted on them. I'm constantly having to wonder if the way they're reacting is because of something they've experienced before. I can't comprehend the full scope of the hurt they've endured, and it breaks my heart to think about.
With how drastically my life has changed in the past year, it's no wonder that I sometimes get a little emotional. (At least that's what I'm telling myself.) I am realizing that I really miss my friends. I have no one close by that I can just talk to, about anything and nothing. At work I have employees who would love to buddy up to me, but that's inappropriate in my position. At home I have my wonderful husband who listens and puts up with a lot, but sometimes I need someone who isn't so wrapped up in me. Who can be an impartial listener and not always try to fix things. :) I sure do love him.
Here are some helpful resources for beginning the journey of a step-family, dealing with an ex, and other "fun" things:
Helpful Strategies to Deal With Ex-Partners in Remarriage
Managing Stress in Step-Families
Developing Strengths in Step-Families
Focus on the Family: Blended Families
Their birth mother (that's what Emma has been calling her, it's kind of sad) does not realize how much psychological and emotional damage she has inflicted on them. I'm constantly having to wonder if the way they're reacting is because of something they've experienced before. I can't comprehend the full scope of the hurt they've endured, and it breaks my heart to think about.
With how drastically my life has changed in the past year, it's no wonder that I sometimes get a little emotional. (At least that's what I'm telling myself.) I am realizing that I really miss my friends. I have no one close by that I can just talk to, about anything and nothing. At work I have employees who would love to buddy up to me, but that's inappropriate in my position. At home I have my wonderful husband who listens and puts up with a lot, but sometimes I need someone who isn't so wrapped up in me. Who can be an impartial listener and not always try to fix things. :) I sure do love him.
Here are some helpful resources for beginning the journey of a step-family, dealing with an ex, and other "fun" things:
Helpful Strategies to Deal With Ex-Partners in Remarriage
Managing Stress in Step-Families
Developing Strengths in Step-Families
Focus on the Family: Blended Families
June 26, 2013
summer woes...oh me, oh my
Summer break...should be a fun time for a family.
My husband works full time (plus some...), I work full time (plus some...), we have 3 busy kids, then there is the housework, and the bills, and everything else. We have tried planning a vacation at least 3 times in the 3 months we have been married. First it was to Utah to see my brother and his family (that was vetoed because of the small car we have. 5 people in a 5 seater car for 12 hours did not sound enjoyable to either my husband or myself), then it was to Seattle to see my sister and her family (that was more a time/financial restraint), then to Medford to see my husbands Grandma (that is not going to happen because of issues at my work).
I feel bad for the kids, when I am home with them, I'm trying to get the housework done and plan meals and everything else. So my patience is not what it should be with them. They are SOOO patient with me though, no matter how many times I get frustrated and raise my voice, they always forgive me and love me no matter what.
We are trying to get Jack into Cub Scouts, he is very excited about it. Emma is more excited to start school in the fall than she is for Summer. Eva just goes along with each day. They are great kids, even though in many ways they try my patience, they remind me that there are more important things than work and making sure the floors are clean. Coloring with Emma, or reading books to them, watching Eva play with her princess dress, listening to Jack as he builds with Lego's and talks to himself...THAT is what matters. Those quiet moments when I can really see them for the cute little individuals that they are, and not just as "the kids".
Jack is such a big help to his dad. He will go out and work in the yard with him for hours without complaining. He loves to be the big brother and loves to spend time with his dad.
Emma is a smart beautiful little girl. She mimics me all the time, if I sit with my legs crossed, she will. If I do my hair a certain way, she wants hers done that way. She is a good reminder that I constantly need to watch what I say and do so that I continue to set a good example for her.
Eva is mischievous. She is incredibly smart. She loves to help me. If I am in the kitchen, she wants to help. If I am doing laundry, she wants to help. She will also follow me everywhere. (Which does get old.)
I guess my point with this post is that even if we don't get a "real" vacation, as long as I can remember, and help my husband remember the important things, then we will have a good Summer.
Here's hoping... :)
Here are some links that have good ideas for Summer activities; http://spoonful.com/summer
http://www.examiner.com/article/5-simple-free-and-fun-summer-activities-for-young-kids
http://holidays.kaboose.com/summer/
My husband works full time (plus some...), I work full time (plus some...), we have 3 busy kids, then there is the housework, and the bills, and everything else. We have tried planning a vacation at least 3 times in the 3 months we have been married. First it was to Utah to see my brother and his family (that was vetoed because of the small car we have. 5 people in a 5 seater car for 12 hours did not sound enjoyable to either my husband or myself), then it was to Seattle to see my sister and her family (that was more a time/financial restraint), then to Medford to see my husbands Grandma (that is not going to happen because of issues at my work).
I feel bad for the kids, when I am home with them, I'm trying to get the housework done and plan meals and everything else. So my patience is not what it should be with them. They are SOOO patient with me though, no matter how many times I get frustrated and raise my voice, they always forgive me and love me no matter what.
We are trying to get Jack into Cub Scouts, he is very excited about it. Emma is more excited to start school in the fall than she is for Summer. Eva just goes along with each day. They are great kids, even though in many ways they try my patience, they remind me that there are more important things than work and making sure the floors are clean. Coloring with Emma, or reading books to them, watching Eva play with her princess dress, listening to Jack as he builds with Lego's and talks to himself...THAT is what matters. Those quiet moments when I can really see them for the cute little individuals that they are, and not just as "the kids".
Jack is such a big help to his dad. He will go out and work in the yard with him for hours without complaining. He loves to be the big brother and loves to spend time with his dad.
Emma is a smart beautiful little girl. She mimics me all the time, if I sit with my legs crossed, she will. If I do my hair a certain way, she wants hers done that way. She is a good reminder that I constantly need to watch what I say and do so that I continue to set a good example for her.
Eva is mischievous. She is incredibly smart. She loves to help me. If I am in the kitchen, she wants to help. If I am doing laundry, she wants to help. She will also follow me everywhere. (Which does get old.)
I guess my point with this post is that even if we don't get a "real" vacation, as long as I can remember, and help my husband remember the important things, then we will have a good Summer.
Here's hoping... :)
Here are some links that have good ideas for Summer activities; http://spoonful.com/summer
http://www.examiner.com/article/5-simple-free-and-fun-summer-activities-for-young-kids
http://holidays.kaboose.com/summer/
June 21, 2013
swimming with piranhas
The kids' mom came over yesterday for visitation. As soon as she drove up I got nervous. My hands were shaking, my heart was beating fast and my appetite went away. My husband went out and said hello. When he told her that I was there, she refused to walk through the house to the back yard. I don't mind her not coming through the house, but where did she think I was going to be? It's my house.
As soon as Eva saw her she yelled "Mommy!" and ran outside. This hurt a lot more than I thought it would. She refused to come in when the kids ate dinner, so we cycled through them by doing one on one time. I will admit that I eavesdropped on her conversations with the kids. Matt spent most of the visit outside with her and the kids. I wasn't going to force my presence on her, knowing that she doesn't want to be around me, so I stayed inside.
I was going to meet her though. I've been taking care of her kids for 4 months! Any sane mother would have insisted on meeting the new wife as soon as possible...which just goes to show that she's not sane.
At the end of her visit she came in and introduced herself. She tried to make small talk, and said she wants to go to lunch, or at least spend an hour together, to get to know each other. The only thing I could think of is that I would rather swim with piranhas...and I don't swim.
June 3, 2013
how to teach a 3 yr old to express themselves...through words
Hopefully I'm not the only one that's experienced this; Eva is 3, and the youngest. Her older siblings LOVE to tell me what she's saying. This is to be expected though. Not only because she's the youngest, and in my experience most older siblings love to talk "for" their younger siblings, but my husband was a single father for 3 years, and had to rely on our oldest, Jack, to help him know what was happening. So if someone gets hurt, Jack is right there telling us what's going on. I am, however, trying to encourage Eva to actually talk for herself. Her vocabulary has grown by leaps and bounds just since my husband and I got married.
If she gets hurts...she will sit there and cry. I can tell that there's nothing seriously wrong, so I don't go rushing over there. Maybe this sounds insensitive to some people, but if I spent all day running at their every beck and call I would accomplish nothing. So I tell her, you need to calm down and tell me what happened. She usually doesn't, so I ask her to go sit on her bed until she can talk. Literally 30 seconds later she's out playing and just fine.
If she is frustrated...she starts crying or whining. We're working on her changing her own clothes, she can put them on just fine, but sometimes she has a hard time taking them off. So I've tried to encourage her by saying, "You are a big girl and you can do this." She's done much better at this.
My point in all this rambling is to say it's hard to teach them to do something. Sometimes it's so much easier to just do it yourself.
Not only are we dealing with Eva and encouraging her to express herself through words and not crying/whining. (I'm not against crying, trust me, I've done plenty of it myself lately.) All of them are old enough that they can do chores. I have Jack and Emma fold their own clothes and put them away, Eva helps me put hers away. But when it comes to consistently having them do other things, it's SOOO much easier for me to just do it. I know I need to stop that, otherwise I'll be hindering them from learning responsibility and basics of taking care of yourself, not to mention being part of a family means that you work together to accomplish what needs to be done.
I did not realize how easy I had it when I was a kid. Bless my parents for putting up with me...and my 6 siblings. :)
If she gets hurts...she will sit there and cry. I can tell that there's nothing seriously wrong, so I don't go rushing over there. Maybe this sounds insensitive to some people, but if I spent all day running at their every beck and call I would accomplish nothing. So I tell her, you need to calm down and tell me what happened. She usually doesn't, so I ask her to go sit on her bed until she can talk. Literally 30 seconds later she's out playing and just fine.
If she is frustrated...she starts crying or whining. We're working on her changing her own clothes, she can put them on just fine, but sometimes she has a hard time taking them off. So I've tried to encourage her by saying, "You are a big girl and you can do this." She's done much better at this.
My point in all this rambling is to say it's hard to teach them to do something. Sometimes it's so much easier to just do it yourself.
Not only are we dealing with Eva and encouraging her to express herself through words and not crying/whining. (I'm not against crying, trust me, I've done plenty of it myself lately.) All of them are old enough that they can do chores. I have Jack and Emma fold their own clothes and put them away, Eva helps me put hers away. But when it comes to consistently having them do other things, it's SOOO much easier for me to just do it. I know I need to stop that, otherwise I'll be hindering them from learning responsibility and basics of taking care of yourself, not to mention being part of a family means that you work together to accomplish what needs to be done.
I did not realize how easy I had it when I was a kid. Bless my parents for putting up with me...and my 6 siblings. :)
May 30, 2013
guilty as charged
My friend shared this article on Facebook, and when I read it, I felt like I needed to share it here. Click the link to read it. To Parents of Small Children: Let Me Be the One Who Says It Out Loud
After reading this article...I felt like I needed to confess some things I do. :)
Sometimes (meaning at least once a week) I pretend I'm asleep when I don't want the kids to bother me.
Sometimes I yell.
Sometimes I ignore them.
Sometimes I cry when I apologize for losing my temper with them.
Sometimes (meaning very rarely) I miss the alone time I was able to have when I was single. But then I get to hear Eva and Emma laugh together, or hear how Jack's day was at school...then those moments usually go away.
I am still learning, and this is okay.
I have heard many times how "amazing" I am, and how much good I'm doing for the kids by getting married to my husband and stepping into their lives. News Flash...I don't feel amazing most of the time, nor do I feel like I'm doing any good. Many times I am thinking of that morning when I snapped at Emma for not eating fast enough (why does that stress me out?) or when I got frustrated with Eva for changing her pants...for the 3rd time that day.
This morning I took Jack to school. He needed to be at school by 7:45, I needed to be at work by 8:00. (We left the house at 7:30, I live 30 mins from work...with good traffic.) Traffic in Portland at 7:30 on a Thursday is not "good" I was 30 mins late to work, good thing I'm the boss. :) I caught myself thinking, "I can't do that again, why did I insist on getting the girls ready this morning too?" I was able to stop that train of thought and switch too, "I now have the memory of combing their hair, letting all three of them eat breakfast together on a regular basis, remembering how smart they are when they repeat back what I've asked them to do after breakfast..." That list could go on and on. I love these kids. Sometimes I need to just take a step back and remember that I love them.
After reading this article...I felt like I needed to confess some things I do. :)
Sometimes (meaning at least once a week) I pretend I'm asleep when I don't want the kids to bother me.
Sometimes I yell.
Sometimes I ignore them.
Sometimes I cry when I apologize for losing my temper with them.
Sometimes (meaning very rarely) I miss the alone time I was able to have when I was single. But then I get to hear Eva and Emma laugh together, or hear how Jack's day was at school...then those moments usually go away.
I am still learning, and this is okay.
I have heard many times how "amazing" I am, and how much good I'm doing for the kids by getting married to my husband and stepping into their lives. News Flash...I don't feel amazing most of the time, nor do I feel like I'm doing any good. Many times I am thinking of that morning when I snapped at Emma for not eating fast enough (why does that stress me out?) or when I got frustrated with Eva for changing her pants...for the 3rd time that day.
This morning I took Jack to school. He needed to be at school by 7:45, I needed to be at work by 8:00. (We left the house at 7:30, I live 30 mins from work...with good traffic.) Traffic in Portland at 7:30 on a Thursday is not "good" I was 30 mins late to work, good thing I'm the boss. :) I caught myself thinking, "I can't do that again, why did I insist on getting the girls ready this morning too?" I was able to stop that train of thought and switch too, "I now have the memory of combing their hair, letting all three of them eat breakfast together on a regular basis, remembering how smart they are when they repeat back what I've asked them to do after breakfast..." That list could go on and on. I love these kids. Sometimes I need to just take a step back and remember that I love them.
May 29, 2013
children's clothes
When Emma outgrows clothes, they're passed on to Eva. I think this is fairly normal. So...Eva has a TON of clothes.
I finally went through her dresser tonight, needless to say I have a fairly good sized pile that Eva has outgrown. Those will be going to my niece.
Emma has sometimes felt upset because Eva gets her stuff. I've had to tell her that she gets new clothes whereas Eva usually only gets hand-me-downs. A couple times Emma and I have gone shopping together. I'm also trying to help her understand that we need to take care of our things. So she's slowly been earning her new clothes as she shows me she can be more responsible.
The more time I spend with my three beautiful, crazy, wonderful rascals, the more I learn about myself. It's definitely something I can't do on my own. I'm constantly reminded to either turn to the scriptures or pray. The Lord has been my greatest strength through this transition. Even a strength in something as "mundane" as sorting children's clothes. :)
May 27, 2013
fevers and dinner and nap-time...oh my!
It all started last Wednesday, when the kids were supposed to be at their aunts...but they decided to get sick instead. Thursday morning they were fine, no fever, Jack still wasn't eating quite as much as he normally does, but nothing to worry about. Thursday I kept them inside all day (it was raining cats and dogs anyway). Friday Jack was still moving a little slower and his appetite still hadn't returned to full force yet. Saturday dawned and it wasn't raining! We spent the day outside working in the yard as a family. I was happy, Jack was his normal self, the kids were having fun, they were outside. And then Sunday came. We got the kids ready for church, went to all our classes, came home and Eva wasn't feeling well. Took her temperature after lunch and it was 101, she also had no appetite. We gave her some Tylenol, I cuddled with her, made sure she was drinking a lot of water. Matt talked with the kids' aunt and her little girl has been sick all week/weekend. At first they thought it was chicken pox but now they think it's hand, foot, and mouth disease. (I didn't even know what this was until I looked it up last night on Google...thank goodness for the Internet.) I looked up the symptoms...and it fits what Eva has. So we're now keeping an eye on her.
This week the kids have not eaten like they normally do. Usually they scarf down whatever you put in front of them. One day for breakfast I made scrambled eggs with cheese and hash browns with cheese...you can never have enough cheese in our house. They barely touched their hash browns! Another day I made sloppy joes for dinner...now c'mon, what kid doesn't like a messy meal? Evidently Emma and Eva don't. (Frankly, I got a little tired of hearing the whining about food, so they ended up eating sloppy joes for breakfast the next day.) I know understand to a small degree how my mom felt with 7 kids at home.
Nap time...I never took naps before I got married. Now all I want to do is sleep. From Thursday to Sunday this week I have tried to take one. I am one of those people who have a hard time sleeping during the day, so usually I was "resting my eyes" (I've never understood that term by the way). Well...when the girls would come in to "check" on me, I admit that I pretended to be asleep. But Sunday I was actually able to fall asleep for an hour! And then...I couldn't fall asleep until 1 am, when, of course, I had to be up getting ready for work at 5 am.
Parenting can be a vicious cycle sometimes. I'm just grateful my mom put up with me!
Here's to a new week!
This week the kids have not eaten like they normally do. Usually they scarf down whatever you put in front of them. One day for breakfast I made scrambled eggs with cheese and hash browns with cheese...you can never have enough cheese in our house. They barely touched their hash browns! Another day I made sloppy joes for dinner...now c'mon, what kid doesn't like a messy meal? Evidently Emma and Eva don't. (Frankly, I got a little tired of hearing the whining about food, so they ended up eating sloppy joes for breakfast the next day.) I know understand to a small degree how my mom felt with 7 kids at home.
Nap time...I never took naps before I got married. Now all I want to do is sleep. From Thursday to Sunday this week I have tried to take one. I am one of those people who have a hard time sleeping during the day, so usually I was "resting my eyes" (I've never understood that term by the way). Well...when the girls would come in to "check" on me, I admit that I pretended to be asleep. But Sunday I was actually able to fall asleep for an hour! And then...I couldn't fall asleep until 1 am, when, of course, I had to be up getting ready for work at 5 am.
Parenting can be a vicious cycle sometimes. I'm just grateful my mom put up with me!
Here's to a new week!
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